On March 11, 2011, the movie "Jane Eyre" hit a select amount of big screens around the nation. As an avid lover of the book Jane Eyre, I was very much upset when the movie did not come to a theater near where I live. I really wanted to see the movie.
Well, tonight I found out it was playing in a town around thirty minutes from here, so a friend and I went and saw it.
Before I tell you more about the movie, let me give you a taste of what my expectations were before I entered the theater.
I had watched the trailers for the movie multiple times; I had found scenes and watch those as well; I read the book when I was in high school and fell in love with every word Charlotte Bronte scripted to bring the story together. This is my all-time favorite fiction book, even more than Jane Austen's books. The story, the plot line, of Jane Eyre is just so amazing and intriguing. I went into this movie expecting to have my breath taken away.
Well, that's not exactly what happened.
The movie began in a different way than I imagined, but I thought it was clever and understood what the director was trying to do. I liked the progression through the first part of the story because if you've read the book, you know the first part is kind of the slowest. But when Jane arrived at Thornfield, I expected more from the movie. From then on, I kept waiting for more and more, but it never came. When the screen went black at the very end, I kept saying, "No, no. Don't tell me this. No." And then it ended. My friend even mentioned to me one of the most significant details of the book that they just totally overlooked, and the last and probably most important chapters of the book are left out completely. I was so mad. I'm still a little heated if you can't tell.
But my anger at the failure of this movie does not stop here. No, I have a few people I need to address.
First, I must address Cary Fukunaga, director of "Jane Eyre."
Mr. Fukunaga,
What were you thinking? Did you think readers of this book would appreciate such a weak attempt to capture the essence of Jane Eyre? Did you think we wanted to be teased with each scene as it came so close to diving deep beneath the surface? No, we wanted to sink in the emotion and grief of the characters. Instead of my breath being taken away, I released it in huffs of frustration. Why would you even spend time attempting to make something that won't even come close to embodying what the book really says?
Next, I must address Charlotte Bronte, author of Jane Eyre. (Yes, I know she's dead.)
Dear Miss Bronte,
I'm extremely sorry for the poor attempt Focus Features and Cary Fukunaga made of this rendition of your wonderful classic. I'm sorry I paid the money I did to watch it. But I will tell you, this failure on the screen accounts for the fact that your work is so good that nothing can match it. I wish you could have been here to talk to the people who obviously needed help in making this movie.
Dear Reader of Jane Eyre,
You may have not read Jane Eyre, but whether you have read the book or constantly read the book all the time, I am sorry you had to endure this version of the book. Let me just tell you, RedBox it. Don't wast money seeing it in theaters. Many good scenes take place in the play, but the lack of enough details defeats any hope of a good moment in the movie.
If you have not read the book, let me just tell you this. You will enjoy the movie more if you have not read the book. But at this point, I would just suggest to get a copy of the book and read it. The book is so much more phenomenal and carries the plot so wonderfully. The depth of emotion and feeling does not reveal itself in the movie as it does in the book.
Yes, this is my review of "Jane Eyre." I don't recommend it, especially if you've read the book.
It just made me sad.
Until Next time,
God Bless
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Almost a Senior, Almost
So on my last post I said that I would be uncovering some misleading truths in some books I have read. I didn't realize, however, that I would not have the time to do this during the summer as I am working at a camp. So, this endeavoring with all the many books I would like to re-read may not happen for awhile. But when I decide to begin this project, I will let you know.
Today I took my last final. I still have one more reflection to write tomorrow that counts as a final, but it's not actually a test, so I kind of consider myself done with finals. Finishing my finals is always so weird for me. Throughout the entire semester, I study for ridiculous amounts of time and carry this weight of anxiety around on my shoulder for the all the work I have to do in all these classes. And then, suddenly with the turning-in of one test, it all comes to an end. I look back on the semester and wonder why I worried. But I also know that weight of anxiety also serves as motivation sometimes. It's kind of a catch 22 situation.
But yes, I am done. I'm not officially a senior yet. I won't count myself as one until after graduation, when all the seniors who are still here are gone. I'm excited to be a senior, but I also know that starting in the fall will be my last year of protection, if you will, from the real world. Not that I'm scared of the real world, but I've never lived in the real world on my own. I'm so glad my graduation is a year from this Saturday instead of four days away. I know/hope that when the time comes I won't be as scared as I am now, but only time will tell.
On a brighter note, I am excited for the camp I will be on staff with this summer. The camp is CentriFuge sponsored by LifeWay. I've never attended the camp as a camper, but I've heard wonderful things about it.
I'm also just excited to have some free time next week before training starts for camp. I'm bringing a friend home with me after school get out, and we're just going to chill and take it easy for about five days, five days of much needed rest.
So, yes, almost a senior, almost with 100 hours under my belt. (That doesn't seem possible.)
Hope you have a great summer. I try to post as often as I can.
Until next time,
God Bless
Today I took my last final. I still have one more reflection to write tomorrow that counts as a final, but it's not actually a test, so I kind of consider myself done with finals. Finishing my finals is always so weird for me. Throughout the entire semester, I study for ridiculous amounts of time and carry this weight of anxiety around on my shoulder for the all the work I have to do in all these classes. And then, suddenly with the turning-in of one test, it all comes to an end. I look back on the semester and wonder why I worried. But I also know that weight of anxiety also serves as motivation sometimes. It's kind of a catch 22 situation.
But yes, I am done. I'm not officially a senior yet. I won't count myself as one until after graduation, when all the seniors who are still here are gone. I'm excited to be a senior, but I also know that starting in the fall will be my last year of protection, if you will, from the real world. Not that I'm scared of the real world, but I've never lived in the real world on my own. I'm so glad my graduation is a year from this Saturday instead of four days away. I know/hope that when the time comes I won't be as scared as I am now, but only time will tell.
On a brighter note, I am excited for the camp I will be on staff with this summer. The camp is CentriFuge sponsored by LifeWay. I've never attended the camp as a camper, but I've heard wonderful things about it.
I'm also just excited to have some free time next week before training starts for camp. I'm bringing a friend home with me after school get out, and we're just going to chill and take it easy for about five days, five days of much needed rest.
So, yes, almost a senior, almost with 100 hours under my belt. (That doesn't seem possible.)
Hope you have a great summer. I try to post as often as I can.
Until next time,
God Bless
Friday, May 6, 2011
Dispelling the Lies
The idea for this post spurs from a conversation had at my house last night with my roommates. The conversation is the spring board of this post. As the post continues, the focus may shift to something bigger or more broad. We'll see.
The conversation centered around my roommate and this guy she knows from the YMCA. Well, they've been friends for awhile, and he has dropped hints that he would like to hang out with her more, but he has never followed through. One of our other roommates jumped in on the conversation because she's married and has a little more experience with guys. (Yes, I live with a married couple and then another roommate, in case you're wondering.)
My roommate was talking about how she doesn't want to text this guy or call him because that's what the guy is supposed to do. Well, L, the other roommate, jumps in and says that it is okay for M, my roommate to text the guy and give a little encouragement. For the record, this was the first time I have ever heard this. So we talked a little more about what M should say to this guy. She could say that it would be nice to hang out with him sometime or that they should go get coffee or go for a walk. But neither M or me had ever heard this before. All my life, and all of M's life, we've been told, don't pursue guys, don't text them, don't call them, let them pursue you.
Let's sit back and think about that for a second. Why is a guy supposed to know he should pursue a girl if she gives him no indicator that she likes him or wants to hang out with him? You may say, because he likes her. But how does he know he likes her if she gives him no encouragement? Many a guy has probably realized he doesn't like a girl because she gives him nothing to go off of. Someone drew a fine line between encouragement and pursuing, and I must've missed that epic event. Every book I've read, every Bible study I've been a part of, and every girls conference I've been too said, "Let the guy chase you."
I'm not saying this approach is flawed. For some, this might work. Obviously, for me, it hasn't work, speaking from 21 1/2 years of never having a boyfriend. I know I think sometimes that guys are judgmental and constantly ridiculing girls and their every move, even though they could probably care less. For me, someone who does not have the longest list of guy friends or male "hang-out" buddies, anytime a guy talks to me or shows more than a little interest in me, I think that he likes me. I'm getting better with this, but it's hard. I think the hardest stage for a guy and a girl for a girl to understand is the friend stage. I forget that yes, I can be friends with guys, and that's okay. I can talk to them and them not think I'm crazy. They are people too. Their only existence is not to be boyfriends.
That said, I feel like all those books I read and all those Bible studies I went to made me a little paranoid and scared of boys. Yes, I admit it. I'm a little scared of them at times. But to hear someone who I think very sound in her faith say that it is okay to give guys a little encouragement where encouragement is needed was wonderful. Not chasing after them, just encouraging them. I wish I would've known that a long time ago. I wish I would've known that just asking a guy to go get coffee as friends is okay. I wish I would've known that just talking to guys is okay.
This brings me to part two of my post. As a journalist, I like to investigate things, especially things that are wrong. So over the next however many months, I'm going to read all those books I read when I was 14, 15, 16 and dispel the lies with scripture because I know the lies are there. And yes, I know it says in scripture that a woman is to have a gentle and quiet heart, but I also know that women like Esther, Ruth, Mary, and Hannah probably didn't sit around pining for someone to marry. Esther sure didn't. Ruth was even encouraged by Naomi to go to her man.
I know this may not seem like the biggest priority compared to the gospel, but it's something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. I don't function well in the company of guys because my brain analyzes their every word and action around me. It's bad, really bad. And I do not think this is healthy. I don't think God wants me to be scared of my brothers-in-Christ. I'm not scared of my actual brother, so why should I be scared of them? This will require going against every habit I formed when I was younger, but I think God will teach me a huge lesson on the other side. I don't want to become a flirt. That's not what this is about. This is about learning how to interact with guys in a healthy way and just be friends.
I may not get through a ton of books this summer as I have a job lined out, but we'll see what happens. Stay tuned.
Until next time,
God Bless
The conversation centered around my roommate and this guy she knows from the YMCA. Well, they've been friends for awhile, and he has dropped hints that he would like to hang out with her more, but he has never followed through. One of our other roommates jumped in on the conversation because she's married and has a little more experience with guys. (Yes, I live with a married couple and then another roommate, in case you're wondering.)
My roommate was talking about how she doesn't want to text this guy or call him because that's what the guy is supposed to do. Well, L, the other roommate, jumps in and says that it is okay for M, my roommate to text the guy and give a little encouragement. For the record, this was the first time I have ever heard this. So we talked a little more about what M should say to this guy. She could say that it would be nice to hang out with him sometime or that they should go get coffee or go for a walk. But neither M or me had ever heard this before. All my life, and all of M's life, we've been told, don't pursue guys, don't text them, don't call them, let them pursue you.
Let's sit back and think about that for a second. Why is a guy supposed to know he should pursue a girl if she gives him no indicator that she likes him or wants to hang out with him? You may say, because he likes her. But how does he know he likes her if she gives him no encouragement? Many a guy has probably realized he doesn't like a girl because she gives him nothing to go off of. Someone drew a fine line between encouragement and pursuing, and I must've missed that epic event. Every book I've read, every Bible study I've been a part of, and every girls conference I've been too said, "Let the guy chase you."
I'm not saying this approach is flawed. For some, this might work. Obviously, for me, it hasn't work, speaking from 21 1/2 years of never having a boyfriend. I know I think sometimes that guys are judgmental and constantly ridiculing girls and their every move, even though they could probably care less. For me, someone who does not have the longest list of guy friends or male "hang-out" buddies, anytime a guy talks to me or shows more than a little interest in me, I think that he likes me. I'm getting better with this, but it's hard. I think the hardest stage for a guy and a girl for a girl to understand is the friend stage. I forget that yes, I can be friends with guys, and that's okay. I can talk to them and them not think I'm crazy. They are people too. Their only existence is not to be boyfriends.
That said, I feel like all those books I read and all those Bible studies I went to made me a little paranoid and scared of boys. Yes, I admit it. I'm a little scared of them at times. But to hear someone who I think very sound in her faith say that it is okay to give guys a little encouragement where encouragement is needed was wonderful. Not chasing after them, just encouraging them. I wish I would've known that a long time ago. I wish I would've known that just asking a guy to go get coffee as friends is okay. I wish I would've known that just talking to guys is okay.
This brings me to part two of my post. As a journalist, I like to investigate things, especially things that are wrong. So over the next however many months, I'm going to read all those books I read when I was 14, 15, 16 and dispel the lies with scripture because I know the lies are there. And yes, I know it says in scripture that a woman is to have a gentle and quiet heart, but I also know that women like Esther, Ruth, Mary, and Hannah probably didn't sit around pining for someone to marry. Esther sure didn't. Ruth was even encouraged by Naomi to go to her man.
I know this may not seem like the biggest priority compared to the gospel, but it's something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. I don't function well in the company of guys because my brain analyzes their every word and action around me. It's bad, really bad. And I do not think this is healthy. I don't think God wants me to be scared of my brothers-in-Christ. I'm not scared of my actual brother, so why should I be scared of them? This will require going against every habit I formed when I was younger, but I think God will teach me a huge lesson on the other side. I don't want to become a flirt. That's not what this is about. This is about learning how to interact with guys in a healthy way and just be friends.
I may not get through a ton of books this summer as I have a job lined out, but we'll see what happens. Stay tuned.
Until next time,
God Bless
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Stress-free . . . and okay with it
Life has been so crazy lately. If I don't have homework or an impending task at hand for one class, then I have it for something else. The good news is that I only have two and a half weeks of classes left, a week of finals, and then I'm done, for this semester anyway. And I only have two finals, so that is wonderful.
I've come to the point in the semester when I still care about my work, papers, and tests and everything else I have to do, but I've lost that sense of urgency and motivation that I had at the beginning of the semester. I just get burnt out and don't want to do any of the work anymore. But I think God understands this too. For example, I'm in a Shakespeare class this semester, and every day our professor starts the class with a quiz over the assigned reading. Well, today she surprised us. We celebrated Shakespeare's birthday, although a little late, and she told us the quiz was cancelled. That just made my day because I had read the material, but I didn't read it as thoroughly as I should have. I wanted to read it, but I simply did not have the time. And I know the party, however of a simple, silly thing it was, was a blessing from God.
I still have quite a bit to do this semester. I have a test tomorrow in Victorian Literature; I'm taking cupcakes to my field experience classrooms tomorrow and Thursday morning; I have the Praxis on Saturday; I have a poem I'm presenting next Wednesday, which requires a lot of research; I have a paper due in Shakespeare before the final, and I also have a paper due in Victorian Literature before the final as well. Oh, and did I mention I have to grade seven essays before next Thursday and finish all of my education paperwork? Yeah, I have to do that too.
But I'm not stressed. I don't think God wants to be stressed. I'm tired of being stressed. This does not mean I will not get my work done or slack off. It's just that maybe, if I don't kill myself trying to study for tests or beat myself up if I don't prepare enough, it will be okay. Twenty years from now, no one will care about how I do on the test I will take tomorrow. Now, of course, I care right now, and that's what makes it hard. It's all about balance.
So yes, this is my life right now. Crazy, crazy, busy, busy. But I know in about three and a half weeks, I'll get a break, a much needed and deserved break, if I do say so myself. Then I will work at camp over the summer, experience God do amazing things, and come back for my senior year of college and my last semester of actual classes. Yay!
So yes, life is good.
Hope you are enjoying the rain or sun or whatever weather you are blessed with.
Until next time,
God Bless
I've come to the point in the semester when I still care about my work, papers, and tests and everything else I have to do, but I've lost that sense of urgency and motivation that I had at the beginning of the semester. I just get burnt out and don't want to do any of the work anymore. But I think God understands this too. For example, I'm in a Shakespeare class this semester, and every day our professor starts the class with a quiz over the assigned reading. Well, today she surprised us. We celebrated Shakespeare's birthday, although a little late, and she told us the quiz was cancelled. That just made my day because I had read the material, but I didn't read it as thoroughly as I should have. I wanted to read it, but I simply did not have the time. And I know the party, however of a simple, silly thing it was, was a blessing from God.
I still have quite a bit to do this semester. I have a test tomorrow in Victorian Literature; I'm taking cupcakes to my field experience classrooms tomorrow and Thursday morning; I have the Praxis on Saturday; I have a poem I'm presenting next Wednesday, which requires a lot of research; I have a paper due in Shakespeare before the final, and I also have a paper due in Victorian Literature before the final as well. Oh, and did I mention I have to grade seven essays before next Thursday and finish all of my education paperwork? Yeah, I have to do that too.
But I'm not stressed. I don't think God wants to be stressed. I'm tired of being stressed. This does not mean I will not get my work done or slack off. It's just that maybe, if I don't kill myself trying to study for tests or beat myself up if I don't prepare enough, it will be okay. Twenty years from now, no one will care about how I do on the test I will take tomorrow. Now, of course, I care right now, and that's what makes it hard. It's all about balance.
So yes, this is my life right now. Crazy, crazy, busy, busy. But I know in about three and a half weeks, I'll get a break, a much needed and deserved break, if I do say so myself. Then I will work at camp over the summer, experience God do amazing things, and come back for my senior year of college and my last semester of actual classes. Yay!
So yes, life is good.
Hope you are enjoying the rain or sun or whatever weather you are blessed with.
Until next time,
God Bless
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Eating My Words
In the past two and a half years, I've learned a lot, but in the past two and a half months, I think I've learned even more.
I've made some judgments and told people some things that I thought I meant, and I think I really did mean them at the time. But in the past couple of weeks, God has allowed me to eat my words. God changed my perspective on quite a few things and humbled me, greatly humbled me.
I had a conversation with my dad a couple of weeks ago that was a good awakening moment. He reminded me why I'm in college and that this time in my life is supposed to be fun, not filled with confusion and grief. I had been looking for the bad in a lot of things when really, a lot of good could be found in those things.
I sometimes get so focused on what I have to do that I forget that college is more than just grades and if I studied enough for this test or that. This should be one of the most fun times of my life, building relationships and spending time with people who will matter. I've overlooked so many important things in the past two and a half months, things I'm honestly ashamed that I've done.
But I know God has given me a chance to fix things and make things better. Even in the past two weeks my attitude has changed, and I'm just more joyful about life, which I think if one is a follower of Christ, joy is a good thing to have.
I think God has taken this time to jar me a little, to show me that I have a year left of college, and I should make it count.
Speaking of some fun I've been having, last Saturday, my roommate and I went to the school where she did her student teaching and we helped work a carnival. It was a lot of fun, and it confirmed the fact that I'm not supposed to each at the elementary level. I love little kids, but I would never want to teach them.
Here's a picture of Mel and myself before we left for the carnival. It was a warm day, so we thought we'd wear cute spring dresses.
So, yes, I've been eating my words. But you know what? They kind of taste good.
Until next time,
God Bless
I've made some judgments and told people some things that I thought I meant, and I think I really did mean them at the time. But in the past couple of weeks, God has allowed me to eat my words. God changed my perspective on quite a few things and humbled me, greatly humbled me.
I had a conversation with my dad a couple of weeks ago that was a good awakening moment. He reminded me why I'm in college and that this time in my life is supposed to be fun, not filled with confusion and grief. I had been looking for the bad in a lot of things when really, a lot of good could be found in those things.
I sometimes get so focused on what I have to do that I forget that college is more than just grades and if I studied enough for this test or that. This should be one of the most fun times of my life, building relationships and spending time with people who will matter. I've overlooked so many important things in the past two and a half months, things I'm honestly ashamed that I've done.
But I know God has given me a chance to fix things and make things better. Even in the past two weeks my attitude has changed, and I'm just more joyful about life, which I think if one is a follower of Christ, joy is a good thing to have.
I think God has taken this time to jar me a little, to show me that I have a year left of college, and I should make it count.
Speaking of some fun I've been having, last Saturday, my roommate and I went to the school where she did her student teaching and we helped work a carnival. It was a lot of fun, and it confirmed the fact that I'm not supposed to each at the elementary level. I love little kids, but I would never want to teach them.
Here's a picture of Mel and myself before we left for the carnival. It was a warm day, so we thought we'd wear cute spring dresses.
So, yes, I've been eating my words. But you know what? They kind of taste good.Until next time,
God Bless
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The Call to Trust
Sometimes, our purpose in life and the method of how and why we do the things we do just makes sense. Other times, they don't make sense. Today was one of those days for me. I feel as though today was a whirlwind. It just kind of came and went, and it was hard for me to grasp anything in it. But now that it has past, I can feel its effects. Right now, I am a junior in college. If all goes as it should, I am set to graduate in May 2012. As of this moment, I don't know what God has in store for me or what I will do when they hand me my diploma. I have a ton of options, but my desire is to pursue the right one, the one God has for me. One option I have is, of course, to pursue what I have been building up to these past two and three quarter years: teaching. It just kind of makes sense to apply at high schools and begin my teaching career. This is definitely an appealing option. I could settle down, get involved with teaching and whatever local church I find, and just begin to live life as an independent adult. Another option I have, which would probably come after a few years of teaching, is to pursue my passion for writing. If you do not know, I have written a full-length novel and have been told that it is publishable material by a very reputable company. The only drawback to that at this point in time is that this company wanted me to put down the funds to publish the book. With my monthly salary being as slight as it is, this just wasn't going to happen, especially for the sum they wanted. But just knowing that my work is worth publishing gives me hope that maybe someday it could happen. The final option I have considered for quite some while not actually telling many people is to go overseas and serve for two years. The International Mission Board has a program called Journeyman. I won't go to into every detail here, but this program sends out college graduates up to the age of twenty-six who the company feels is well-equipped to serve overseas in a cooperating country for two years. I have been to South Asia twice, and on my first trip, our team worked with two Journeymen who were working under the leadership of long-term missionaries there on the field. So seeing them in action with us on the field really sparked an interest in me. I haven't been able to let that go since then, and it's almost been a year since my first trip. This past trip I took just reinforced all those reasons of why I should pursue Journeyman. Many pros and cons exist with this option, as they do for all the other options. But this has been the option, the "what-if," that has been the most difficult to get out of my head. I know God allowed me to go to South Asia for a reason. I don't want to pass up an opportunity to go and share the love of God with people who need it all over the world. But I also know I can do that here as well. So tonight, all of this kind of came crashing down on me at once. I felt myself tensing up and getting stressed out about it. I ended up working out for about an hour and a half tonight, and after I was done, I had a different look at the whole thing, a look I should've had from the beginning (thank you, endorphins). These options I'm mulling over, this so-called "plan" I think I have for my life is nothing compared to what God has for me. God doesn't call me to know right now. His word doesn't say I have to know what I'll be doing in two years. His word says I need to trust. When I think about that, about trusting and knowing God is in control, it takes such a burden off me. I'm no longer pressured to figure all this out. God will do that for me. If Journeyman is something God has purposed for my life, then He'll equip me and move my heart toward that. If I'm supposed to get a job and teach and impact students here, then He will move my heart to that as well. When we quiet our busy minds and remember the great reaches of God's control and power, we receive that nice dose of humility, knowing that nothing we do is good enough and that we can do nothing on our own. So maybe whirlwind days aren't so bad after all. God can take a day that didn't seem to make sense in the midst of it, but then show us how every minute of that day was for His glory. Well, enjoy the rest of your week. Until next time, God Bless.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Contentedly Single
*This is a really long post.
It's been awhile. I know. There's really no excuse for why I haven't blogged recently. I think part of it stems from having to write two to three articles per week for the school paper and being in five classes that require writing. Once I begin to write all the time, I wouldn't say I become burn-out, but I just need a break.
But, today is the last day of school before spring break starts. I will leave school at three o'clock and head for home. I also enrolled for my first semester of my senior year yesterday. That is so weird to think about. But my schedule is great. It's the same times of classes that I had last fall, and I loved that schedule. No, not the same classes, but the same times of classes.
I'm so ready to go home. My schedule this semester is absolutely crazy, and I feel like I haven't had time to breathe lately. I had a kidney infection two weeks ago, which I didn't have to miss any classes for, so that was good. Although, it did set me a little behind with studying for some tests that I had that week. But I got my tests back this week, and I got A's on both tests. All I can say is, "Thank you, God." It was all him.
Right now I'm praying through a few different things that God has put on my heart. I'm looking forward to going home for break, so I can have more time to spend with God and get away from being so busy.
One thing that God has really pressed on my heart in the past few weeks is how blessed I am to be single. For who knows how long, (you do know if you've read my blog), I've been praying about the man God has for me and what that looks like and how much longer I'll have to wait. For awhile, I put up a front saying that I didn't want a boyfriend and that Christ was my only desire, but I think I was only just saying that to disguise my want for a boyfriend.
But I'm in a different living arrangement this semester, and God has shown me so much though it. He's shown me what marriage, a young marriage, looks like on a daily in-and-out schedule. He's also shown me what having kids looks like and how that impacts one's marriage. For a long time, I thought marriage was just a romantic idea for two people who have fallen in love to be together. But God kind of wiped that idea from my mind. Marriage can be messy. It can be hard. And there's no getting out of it. None of those things are bad, but marriage is not something and should not be something one enters into on a whim. Not when marriage is something that requires so much commitment. I had never thought of marriage in that way before. I knew it involved all those things, but I had never seen people so close to my age who were married live that out on a daily basis.
All that to say: I'm not ready to be married. And not only that, I don't want to be married right now. I look at all the responsibilities that come with being married, and I don't want them at 21 years of age. I still have one more year of school ahead of me. I still have to graduate and figure out where God wants me to teach. And I love being free. I love the independence that comes with being single. If I were in a relationship or married, I would constantly have to be aware of that other person, which isn't bad, if you're ready for it. This is just one of those areas that is going to take some time to mature. And that's okay. I would much rather be single for the next however many years and be ready for marriage, or as ready as I can be, when that comes along, than get married now and hate being married.
For a long time now, I've had this vision of myself after college living in an apartment by myself with a dog or maybe a cat. I don't know. But I have this dream, if you will, of being independent. I think as young women, especially in this culture and especially in the Bible belt, we think that to be complete and have a prosperous life, we need to get married. Everyone expects it. Parents, friends, family, church members; everyone. But why? Because that's what everyone has done for the past however many years?
And don't hear me saying that I'm against the institution of marriage. I'M NOT. I'm very for a man and a woman getting married if that is God's will and if they are both ready--financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc. Believe me, if God blesses me with a husband some day, I'm not going to turn that down. But I'm not ready right now. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please. And not that I have any potential suitors, but this also means I don't want to be in a relationship because at this age in one's life, a serious relationship usually leads to marriage. I also don't want this to sound like I am selfish and can think only about myself. But right now, in the hustle and craziness of college, I do okay to make sure I have everything in line where it should be. I can't imagine having to take care of someone else at the same time. And I know that if I get married when I am teaching, my schedule will still be busy and crazy. But I'll be more mature, and by then, I will have had those years to enjoy being single.
I heard a young lady say a few weeks ago that she felt God brought her a husband to have someone to enjoy God with. I liked that. To her, getting married wasn't about the ooey, gooey romantic feelings and "falling in love." Marriage was about a union set out by God to glorify God. And if I'm not going to glorify God in my marriage by not being mature enough or prepared, then I don't want to be married.
Isaiah 54:5 says that your maker is your husband. When I look at Jesus as my husband and begin to focus on my relationship with him, everything else falls away. He is what matters. Not what might happen someday or what might not happen. Only Jesus.
So, this is what God has been pouring into my life. And let me just tell you, it is so freeing. I don't worry about what guys think of me as much as I used to. I'm not constantly looking for a guy. I'm so content. And I owe all of this revelation and understanding to God. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Well, enjoy the spring weather.
Until next time,
God Bless
It's been awhile. I know. There's really no excuse for why I haven't blogged recently. I think part of it stems from having to write two to three articles per week for the school paper and being in five classes that require writing. Once I begin to write all the time, I wouldn't say I become burn-out, but I just need a break.
But, today is the last day of school before spring break starts. I will leave school at three o'clock and head for home. I also enrolled for my first semester of my senior year yesterday. That is so weird to think about. But my schedule is great. It's the same times of classes that I had last fall, and I loved that schedule. No, not the same classes, but the same times of classes.
I'm so ready to go home. My schedule this semester is absolutely crazy, and I feel like I haven't had time to breathe lately. I had a kidney infection two weeks ago, which I didn't have to miss any classes for, so that was good. Although, it did set me a little behind with studying for some tests that I had that week. But I got my tests back this week, and I got A's on both tests. All I can say is, "Thank you, God." It was all him.
Right now I'm praying through a few different things that God has put on my heart. I'm looking forward to going home for break, so I can have more time to spend with God and get away from being so busy.
One thing that God has really pressed on my heart in the past few weeks is how blessed I am to be single. For who knows how long, (you do know if you've read my blog), I've been praying about the man God has for me and what that looks like and how much longer I'll have to wait. For awhile, I put up a front saying that I didn't want a boyfriend and that Christ was my only desire, but I think I was only just saying that to disguise my want for a boyfriend.
But I'm in a different living arrangement this semester, and God has shown me so much though it. He's shown me what marriage, a young marriage, looks like on a daily in-and-out schedule. He's also shown me what having kids looks like and how that impacts one's marriage. For a long time, I thought marriage was just a romantic idea for two people who have fallen in love to be together. But God kind of wiped that idea from my mind. Marriage can be messy. It can be hard. And there's no getting out of it. None of those things are bad, but marriage is not something and should not be something one enters into on a whim. Not when marriage is something that requires so much commitment. I had never thought of marriage in that way before. I knew it involved all those things, but I had never seen people so close to my age who were married live that out on a daily basis.
All that to say: I'm not ready to be married. And not only that, I don't want to be married right now. I look at all the responsibilities that come with being married, and I don't want them at 21 years of age. I still have one more year of school ahead of me. I still have to graduate and figure out where God wants me to teach. And I love being free. I love the independence that comes with being single. If I were in a relationship or married, I would constantly have to be aware of that other person, which isn't bad, if you're ready for it. This is just one of those areas that is going to take some time to mature. And that's okay. I would much rather be single for the next however many years and be ready for marriage, or as ready as I can be, when that comes along, than get married now and hate being married.
For a long time now, I've had this vision of myself after college living in an apartment by myself with a dog or maybe a cat. I don't know. But I have this dream, if you will, of being independent. I think as young women, especially in this culture and especially in the Bible belt, we think that to be complete and have a prosperous life, we need to get married. Everyone expects it. Parents, friends, family, church members; everyone. But why? Because that's what everyone has done for the past however many years?
And don't hear me saying that I'm against the institution of marriage. I'M NOT. I'm very for a man and a woman getting married if that is God's will and if they are both ready--financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc. Believe me, if God blesses me with a husband some day, I'm not going to turn that down. But I'm not ready right now. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please. And not that I have any potential suitors, but this also means I don't want to be in a relationship because at this age in one's life, a serious relationship usually leads to marriage. I also don't want this to sound like I am selfish and can think only about myself. But right now, in the hustle and craziness of college, I do okay to make sure I have everything in line where it should be. I can't imagine having to take care of someone else at the same time. And I know that if I get married when I am teaching, my schedule will still be busy and crazy. But I'll be more mature, and by then, I will have had those years to enjoy being single.
I heard a young lady say a few weeks ago that she felt God brought her a husband to have someone to enjoy God with. I liked that. To her, getting married wasn't about the ooey, gooey romantic feelings and "falling in love." Marriage was about a union set out by God to glorify God. And if I'm not going to glorify God in my marriage by not being mature enough or prepared, then I don't want to be married.
Isaiah 54:5 says that your maker is your husband. When I look at Jesus as my husband and begin to focus on my relationship with him, everything else falls away. He is what matters. Not what might happen someday or what might not happen. Only Jesus.
So, this is what God has been pouring into my life. And let me just tell you, it is so freeing. I don't worry about what guys think of me as much as I used to. I'm not constantly looking for a guy. I'm so content. And I owe all of this revelation and understanding to God. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Well, enjoy the spring weather.
Until next time,
God Bless
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