Where to begin...The last couple of days have been kind of crazy for me. I've had tests and just different things going on with life. I'm usually not this open on my blog, but I feel like I need to be more real sometimes, so here we go.
For a long time, I've been waiting for the man God has for me. I made a commitment when I was younger that I was going to wait for God and his timing. That's partly why I started this blog: to show how I was going to worship in the wait instead of worry. Well, being here at college is so different from high school. There are a lot more guys and my mind has just gone crazy. It's not like I'm out searching for "the one", but it doesn't stop my brain from wondering. Today I went to the park again (the only real place I feel I can go in this town that I am closest to God), and I just prayed and walked. I think sometimes we think we have to make being a follower of Christ so difficult, when really it's very simple. But anyway, on Wednesday nights I've been involved with a youth ministry called Whitehouse. It's for high school students who come from tough backgrounds, and it's just a place for them to be accepted. During the song service, God just spoke to me and reminded me that it's not about me. As much as I want to worry about my future and who I'm going to marry and what I'm going to be doing in five years, it's not about me. It's about Him. I'm supposed to trust Him and let it all work out. That was easy in high school. I thought I had the trusting thing down-pat. College is a whole new story. I feel like I have to learn how to trust all over again because my "high school bubble" has popped and the world is suddenly a lot bigger.
God reminded me tonight that he has to be my first love. He has to occupy my thoughts 24/7 and be the one I obsess about. I do want an earthly romance, but the need for my romance with God is so much greater. I hear so many girls say that God is their completion and their all-in-all, and that they don't need a guy. I'm not there yet. I want to be there, but I'm not there yet. This is one of my greatest struggles without a doubt. But I have chosen to wait and nothing can stop me from waiting for the love story God has planned for me.
I've been reading through the Bible lately, just a book-by-book thing and I just finished the book of Daniel today. (Great book.) Anyway, I know that we've all heard the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den when we were kids, but go back and read that one again. There is a verse in that story that I didn't remember from when I had heard it as a kid. "The king was overjoyed and gave orders to lift Daniel out of the den. And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God" Daniel 6:23. I don't know about you, but that's some pretty darn good trustin' right there. Lions are hungry creatures, and for him to come out of there with no wound, no scratch, nothing; that's only a work of God. That's the kind of trust I have to have. A faith and a trust that can withstand the blows from the enemy because they are dealt everyday.
Another verse I have found myself repeating quite often is one I discovered while reading Lamentations. (That's a great book too.) "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him" Lamentations 3:24. He is my portion. He is enough. I will wait for him. That's a great deal of comfort for me so often. One of my friends and I have been talking lately about how it's so hard to trust God and know his arms are around us when we can't physically reach out and touch him. Yes, it is hard, but that's where a God-sized amount of faith comes into play.
College has made me think so much. I have thought more about the meaning of life the past four months than I have my entire life. So much has changed and I've had my faith tested so much. I still say college is weird. It's a growing time, changing time, maturing time, and it's just down right weird. But it's a good weird. It's definitely better than high school, that's for sure, but I never thought it would be like this.
So if you're a praying person, pray that my focus stays one hundred percent on God. It's kind of funny how we bring so much into being a follower of Christ. The basic things are to love God, love others, and put them first. I want God to be my focus, my passion, my heart's desire before anything else in this world. Pray that this fervor inside of me will not die. God is more real to me now than he ever has been. And until more of my future is revealed to me in His timing, I will worship in the waiting.
1 comment:
I love your new look! Very nice!
Great post. It got me to thinking back on my looong time as a single person, before God sent the right person into my life. One of the things that stands out in my mind is that I remember that, before I could be at peace with waiting for his timing for a husband, I had to first come to a place where I was OK with the idea of being single forever, if that was His will. Now, there was a time when I felt that God was telling me that He would send the right man and I just needed to wait, but I still always felt better and more at peace if I could come to that place where I just wanted to be in God's will, doing what He wanted me to be doing with my singleness, and willing to do that for as long as He wanted me to, even if it meant being single forever.
Another thing I remember that helped me a lot came from a Christian book I read one time but I can't remember which one. It was talking about doing God's work while you are single and serving him with all your heart. It had an analogy of serving God compared to running and said something like you should stay focused on running towards God and then, if you look over and see someone (a guy, in our case:) running next to you (also running hard for God), that you should take notice and get to know that person a bit.
I know this is long but the other thing I wanted to tell you, coming from someone who was single so long, is that you really do have so much more time and focus to do God's work when you are single so you really should take advantage of it now. Once you are married, your priorities must change, as God gives you a specific role to play in regards to being the best help mate you can be to your husband. Of course that does not mean that God is not your first priority but it does place limitations on you that you do not have during this life season of singleness.
Can't wait to see you. God bless.
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