Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm back at school. This was actually the first time I've left home and haven't been sad to leave. I don't know why it was that way, but it just was. My brother and I didn't get along the best over break, and not that my parents are overprotective, but I'm just not used to having them around all the time. Let's just say it's been wonderful to get back to school and enjoy my freedom. It tastes wonderful.

I had my second Resident Assistant interview tonight. I thought I was going to have a third one, but they said I would find out by the end of the week. I will let you know what happens. I've told God that no matter what happens, I've learned a lot from applying, and there is always next year.

When I was home on break, I went with my grandmother to her dentist's appointment in a town that is about an hour and half from where I live. It was fun, and we got to do a little shopping in this cute little town. We stopped at this old shop (reminded me of a Ma and Pa shop) that was starting to add booths like at an antique place. Well, one booth had a little display of rings that had little diamonds in them. They're not real diamonds, but the jewels shimmer like diamonds and the actual band is some sort of silver. Anyway, I bought one for $2.75. I didn't know why I was buying it at first. I just knew I like it and it was cheap. But throughout the day and the rest of the week I figured out what it means to me, what it represents in my life. This ring will be a daily reminder that God needs to come first in all I do. I need to seek him and his wisdom in every situation. I need to make him my first love and be faithful to him. I've realized lately just how great his grace is. There is no bounds to it, just as with his love. He goes with us every mile that we mess up. I call it the Nth mile. No matter how many times we think we have blown it, he's still there. Just fill in a number and that's how many times he walk with you and more. I find that overwhelming and myself even more undeserving of his grace and love. I'm so thankful he chooses to love me. But I know I have a part to play. I have to give him my whole self and serve him with my whole heart. It's a relationship and so many times the relationship struggles because I don't uphold my end of it.

Lately, my quiet time has been kind of shabby. I've just been so busy, but that is no excuse. This morning I woke up 30 minutes early and prayed and read my Bible. It was just me and God and it was great. I've started reading The Journals of Jim Elliot by Elisabeth Elliot. I found the book at an old book sale a couple of years ago and started to read it then. But it's a little deep and I just don't think I was ready for it then. But Jim Elliot is one of my biggest heroes along with his wife Elisabeth. If I could meet one person, it would be Elisabeth Elliot, and if Jim were still alive, I would meet him as well. But their story and their life's work are amazing. They are both a great inspiration to me, and when I read what he wrote so long ago, I stand amazed at his devotion to God. Everything, whether it was breathing or going to class or exercising, Jim did it for God's glory. Sometimes I don't even feel worthy to read his words, but my goal would be to emulate his life just like I want to emulate Christ's life.

It's hard to believe that there are only two months left of my freshman year of college. It's gone by so fast. And I have loved every minute of it. Some of the days have been rough, and some of the nights have been rougher. But God has been there every minute of it, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've learned so much that I wouldn't have learned had I stayed in my hometown or gone to school where God didn't want me to go. God has become my constant, my strength. Without him, I wouldn't have made it this far, and without him, I will go no further. I've learned that my relationship with him is more about just feeling a certain way when I read my Bible and pray. It's just about being with him and listening to him. It's about opening up the Bible not expecting a feeling when I read scripture, but reading something or interpreting something that motivates me to live differently.

Well, I'm going to go work out with some friends since I actually have some free time tonight. I will update with more later.

May God Bless you and may you live for him.

5 comments:

Lea said...

Looking forward to hearing about the RA thing. You have a great attitude about. If it is God's will, it will happen. If not, He has something else he wants you to be doing instead:).

Glad you were happy to be back at school. That's how it is suppose to be. By the time it's time to go home, you're really looking forward to it and can't wait. After you are home for a while, you're really looking forward to get back to school. That's the process that prepares you to eventually be ready to be out on your own permanently:).

Hope you have a great week!

Jana H said...

Thanks, Lea. It was good to see you over break.

Hannah said...

Holy crap, Jana, I didn't know you had a blog!! Okay. Now that I got that out of my system, I'll go back and actually read your post!! haha

Hannah said...

Jana, I've always admired you so much. Even as a Junior/senior in highschool when you were a freshman/sophomore, you always seemed so much more mature than me in faith. I always looked up to you for that, and you definitely brought me closer to God. I know God purposefully placed you in my life so I could experience the joy of being in a relationship with him.
I only wish we could have walked a closer path together after highschool ended!

I love you!

Hannah said...

Oh yeah-- I don't know if you do or don't know this-- but there is a setting on blogger that lets you reply to comments through email (like when you get an email telling you that you have a comment, you can reply to THAT email and it sends it right to the person that left the comment!).

I love it, that way people always see responses I leave and vice/versa. I've made a lot of friends that way too haha.

If you DID already know that, then completely disregard what I just said!