Sunday, December 16, 2007

Well, it's been a long time...again.

So, it's been a long time again. I have been really busy lately. My senior research paper has taken up a lot of time, but I finally got it back and I made a 117% on it. There were 1300 points possible and I received 1521 points. I was really excited. My grade in English right now is 104. I also had to do a powerpoint for the paper and I got a 100% on it. I have made it through the first semester of the dreaded AP Senior English. Only one semester left!!

I can't believe that my senior year is half over. I just received my first college acceptance letter. It was from OSU. I thought I wanted to go to SBU in Bolivar, but I'm not feeling led to go there right now. I feel like I'm being pulled to OSU. It's cheaper too.

My job is still going really good. I really like it. I love all my little kids there. They are starting to remember my name and it is so good to finally hear them call me, "Miss Jana." After two and a half months, they are finally learning it.

My little brother took my senior pictures for me. He did a really good job. I saved a whole lot of money. I also saved a lot of money when I ordered my cap and gown. It was going to end up costing me like 30 some dollars, but it only ended up costing me $7. My parents and I were both very pleased. Being Indian really pays off. I'm being very frugal this year, trying to save as much money for college as possible. I'm also borrowing my cousin's prom dress that she wore to her prom last year. It's so pretty. I love it. So that's saving a lot of money too.

I just finished my latest story. It's called Lemonade. I love it so much. I can't wait to be published. I want to be published so bad.

Please pray for my strength right now. I know Satan is testing me before I go to college. He wants me to fail. Pray that God keeps me strong. It's hard being around people who are so shallow in their faith. I know I'm not perfect, but I want to be around people who try to be their best for Christ all the time. People just don't care about being pure anymore. College couldn't get here any faster.

Well, I hope to talk sooner next time. I'm sorry I waited so long to post. Talk more later.

Friday, November 2, 2007

It's been a long time!

I haven't written on the blog for a long time. I've been really busy with school and work and everything else. I'm finally eighteen, and I love it. It's amazing. I just wish we were having a major election this year instead of next. I'm so ready to vote. I got my voter's card two days after I turned eighteen. Can you say I'm ready or what?

I found a new job about a month ago. I'm working at a daycare in my town. I really like it and I get paid really well. I get to work everyday, and it's a Christian daycare, so that makes it even better.

I have finally been assigned the long awaited and dreaded Senior Research Paper. Yuck! Anyway, I'm busy working on that too. I'm doing it over the book Persuasion by Jane Austen. I really liked the book. Jane Austen is one of my most favorite authors.

A question for everyone: Has anyone heard anything about the author Philip Pullman and his book The Golden Compass. He is an athiest, but he doesn't try to promote atheism in this book. I recently started it and it's really good. It's kind of like Narnia. My dad got an email about the movie that's coming out, and about flipped when he found out I was reading the book. I'm still deciding if I'm going to finish or not. I was talking to my counselor about it today. She's a Christian and she's read all three books in the series. She says that there is no way a promotion of atheism in the books. My dad doesn't want me to see the movie because it would support atheism. I'm reading it for the story not the religion aspect of it. We pay $6.50 for an evening seeing of a movie in my town. I asked my counselor if I tithed an extra $6.50 if that would make up for my seeing the movie. She laughed.

Anyway, I can't wait for college. I'm actually going up to visit what I hope is where I'll be going to college next weekend. I can't wait. We had our Senior night at last week's football game. Tonight is the last scheduled game of the season, but we made playoffs, so we're hoping to make it to state. We made it last year, but we ended up getting beat. You never know though.

I'm still writing stories whenever I get the time. I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas Breaks. I will have my laptop out the whole time. Anyway, it was good to catch up.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Band Coronation

So, Friday night was the most amazing night of my life. I had a blast. A lot of people that I love showed up, it didn't rain, and we won the game. Sorry Aubrey, Yea we beat Vinita!!! So anyway it was pretty much the most amazing night of my life.

Here are some pictures.

This is me and my dad. He drove me in the awesome Pontiac G6 convertible that we got to borrow.

Here's me and my mom. She doesn't think it's a very good picture, but I do.

Here's me and my brother. He's so sweet.

This is me and my cousin Aubrey. Love you Aubrey

Here is all of us together. This will be a picture for the ages.

My aunt, uncle, and little cousins got to come. Thanks guys so much for coming.

It was such an awesome night. I will never forget it. It was an amazing night. Best of all my team is 3 and 0!!! yea

Friday, August 31, 2007

God is so Good!!!

Well, I have a lot of catching up to do.

So, last Friday, I found out I am senior attendant for Band Coronation. I'm super excited. We go dress shopping tomorrow. I think me and the junior attendant are going to try to find red dresses. I can't wait.

Then today, I found out I am Rotary Student of the Month. That means that every Wednesday of September I get to eat lunch with the Rotary Club of my town. It's an honor to get to be apart of and looks really good to colleges. The teachers and administration of the school pick you and whoever gets the most votes gets to be the first ones. So, I'm kind of excited for that too.

Labor Day is this weekend, and I'm so glad because I'll be out of school on Monday. I finally found a job. It's at a garden and landscaping place in my town. It's really close to my house too, so that works out good.

God has just been showing me lately that the more I trust in Him and wait on His timing, the more awesome He shows Himself. I love Jesus, what can I say?

Well, just wanted to catch up. I'll talk more later.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Boy Do I Have A Funny Story!!

Well, I'm going to cut to the chase. I missed the first day of my senior year. I hope that isn't a sign of how the rest of my year is going to go. I'll start from the beginning.

Last Monday, my mom took me to an herbal doctor. She was supposed to give me something for my acne, a diet plan, and headaches. She gave me colloidal silver, a diet plan, vitamin C, and told me to get pineapple for my headaches. So I went home and took the Vitamin C pill. That night I was fine.

The next morning, I got up and had kind of a sore throat. I didn't think much of it. It didn't hurt too bad and I just kind of ignored it. Well, I thought it might have been from the Vitamin C pill. I wanted to test it so I took it again. Well, we left that afternoon for Springfield. That night, my throat started hurting worse, and my head was hurting. That could've been that I had my hair up, but honestly I don't know.

Well, the next morning, I woke up and my throat still hurt (I found later that it wasn't from the Vitamin C pill) and my head hurt. Well, we were going to go shopping that day, so I got ready. After getting ready, I hurt even worse. My head had never hurt so bad, up until then, and my throat was getting worse. So, one of our friends gave me one of her migraine pills. It worked wonders. I got to feeling better and we went shopping.

After coming back from shopping, I went swimming. Well, I probably shouldn't have done that. Later that night after dinner, I really started feeling bad, and that was when I first started running a fever. My throat hurt, my head hurt, and I was shivering and shaking uncontrollably. I was so cold. My temp got up to 102.3 that night.

The next day we left early. I went to the doctor when we got home, and it turns out I had tonsillitis. They gave me cephlex for that and imatrex for my head. I took the last imatrex today. This morning I woke up with a migraine, I think due to a storm coming in, and I took 5 pills within 4 hours. (Today is the 18th. I'm editing from yesterday's post.) Yesterday, I didn't go to school and felt fine. But today I've had a headache on and off.

I think all this is due to all my going that I've done this summer. I've gotten more sleep in the last three days than I've had all summer, or at least it seems.

But I also have some good news. I've been wanting to publish my story, and I've finally been contacted about publishing it. I think I'm going to combine a short story that I wrote earlier with the longer story that I wrote. They're both related, so I think it will work well. Plus, it would make the book longer. And maybe more interesting.

I also think God is telling me to rethink my choice of college. Some things happened in Springfield with my potential roommate that really made me think. Yeah, that girl that I've been bragging about that I can't wait to be with, she's changed too. I'm just waiting on God. I don't want to be too hasty.

I finally got my laptop. I love it. It's so nice to have.

Well, I'll talk more later.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Just 10 more days of freedom.

School starts in 10 days. Ugghh!! I want to be a senior, don't get me wrong, but it feels like I haven't even had a summer. It's gone by so fast.

Being a senior does have its advantages though. When school starts, I'll be able to park in senior parking. I'll only have four hours (meaning I'll get out at noon, Hooray!!). And the most awesome thing about it is that it's my last year of school, in my town anyway. I'll then be going off to college.

I am very happy that I'll only have four hours. And really two of those hours are band, so it's not like I have a very hard schedule. But for the past three years of high school, I have really pushed myself. I think I deserve a break before college.

I'm here at my aunt's until Saturday. Hopefully, on Saturday my dad and I are supposed to go on a date. We'll probably see a movie and go to dinner. Then, I'll be home for my magical two days and I'll be back on the road again. It seems like everywhere I've gone this summer, I've been home for two days, then back on the road. It's kind of funny.

The best thing about being gone this much though is because I had prior engagements, I don't have to go to any before school band practices. This probably doesn't thrill my band instructors any, but this is my last year and they can get over it. I chose to stay in band, and if they can't be satisfied with that, then boo hoo.

My little cousins are keeping me busy. They're so cute and fun though. I love them. I'm so glad I got to come down and help my aunt and play with the boys. My aunt is getting better. She still gets tired quick and she's still a little achey, but not as bad as she was.

Please pray for my grandma. She's undergoing chemo right now for breast cancer. She hasn't been doing too well. My mom has been staying with her a lot. Please pray for my entire family. Thank you so much.

Well, I guess I'll wrap it up. My aunt left some stuff for me to do while she goes to the grocery store. (just joking aunt Lea.) But really, I need to do something.

I'll talk more later.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Just One of those "Blah" days!!!

Well, I woke up this morning a little late. I wanted to workout on the EFX machine that my aunt has upstairs, but maybe I will this afternoon instead.

As I've mentioned before, I'm trying to lose weight. Trying being the key word. I've only really lost two pounds and after the mission trip, I've gained that back and more. My eating habits are so out of wack right now. It's ridiculous. I'm trying to do better since I'm at someone's house, but it's still hard.

Then, I woke up this morning with a lovely visitor on my face. But really, it wasn't that lovely.

I kind of feel gross at my stomach, like I've eaten something I shouldn't have. Oh well, I'll just have to take it easy today.

I just feel weird. Maybe I'm getting ready to encounter my lovely time of the month. I'm not sure. I got a message from one of my friends on facebook, and it just feels like she's changed. It seems like she's fake. I'm used to the real her.

Anyway, I'm going to go take a shower and maybe looking somewhat presentable will boost my mood. I need to have my quiet time, too. That would help a lot.

Well, when this happens next month, and even through the rest of this one, I'm not going to let it get me down. I just need to stop eating so much. It's just stupid.

Well, I'll talk later.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

This Week has Gone by Fast!!!

I've been here at my aunt's this week helping her with her two little boys. It's been kind of hard on her because she was in the hospital for four days, and now she's really weak. She can't really play with the boys, but yet they are still so clingy and wanting to be on her all the time.

I came down here Monday night. I can't believe that tomorrow will be Friday. That doesn't seem possible. I'm having fun, though. I love my aunt and uncle and their two little cuties. I'm glad that I got to come down, 1) because Lea really needed the help, and 2) because I haven't been able to come down by myself since she's had the boys. I've really enjoyed it.

Being here with my aunt has made me think a lot about how I will raise my children someday. I've always wondered if I have the gene to have twins because I've always wanted twins. My mom is a twin so it could happen. But now I'm not so sure if I want twins. Not that I don't love my cousins. I just don't know if I could handle two little ones all the time. I admire my aunt a lot, especially at her age. Props to you, Aunt Lea. I don't know if I could do it. But God always says that He will never give us anything we can't handle. I guess if it's His will, I could do it. Oh yeah, I remember (slaps myself on forehead), I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I have played a lot with the boys the last two days. Yesterday, I was making spaghetti for Lea while she was taking a break. The boys were on their learning tower next to the counter playing with sponges and water in some bowls. They loved it. They entertained themselves so well. They did get water everywhere, but that's really not that messy. Plus, it gave Lea some very needed "mommy alone" time. Then, they went into the library and started playing with books. Well, since I am not a mommy, I do not have the ears that most mommies do. I was standing in the kitchen chopping chicken just off in my own little world, and all of a sudden, I realize that it is completely silent. (I figured out that is never a good sign, unless their sleeping.) They had found "big people" books and had strewn them all over the floor in a corner behind the love seat. I told them "no" and pointed them back in the direction of their books.

Then, today, we played outside. They played in the sandbox, and after I cleaned out their pool, they went for a swim. If you really call it a swim. It was more like, "Let's sit in water and play with toys and get Jana wet." But they had fun and that's all that matters. The water felt good anyway. It was hot. After they swam, they wanted to swing and go down the slide. They did that for about twenty minutes before B finally wanted to come in. N didn't want to at first, but he finally agreed when he realized he would be left behind if he did not follow. We finally went back inside.

The boys are so cute. I can't wait for them to get old enough so they can talk with us and really understand us. I know Lea doesn't want this quite yet because she wants them to stay young as long as possible. But still, growing up is part of the process.

Like I said earlier, I've learned a lot this summer. I thought my learning was over after the mission trip. I guess it wasn't. I guess we never stop learning even if we're just playing with a couple of one year olds.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

On the road again!!

Well, this summer has been quite the adventure for me. Let me give you a run-down on what I've done.

The week after school got out, I went to Girls State and was there for a week. I was home one day after school got out before I left.

Six days after I got back from Girls State, I left for my D.C. trip. I was gone for six days.

Two days after I got home from D.C., I left to go live with my great-grandma. I was home periodically throughout my month with her, but for the majority I was down there.

I was home one day from my great-grandma's before I went on my mission trip to Chicago. I was gone for nine days.

I got home from my Chicago trip three days ago. I was home two days before I came down to Tulsa to stay with my aunt Lea. She got sick last Saturday and was in the hospital for four days. I'm probably going to stay down here for about two weeks until she fully recuperates and to help with the boys.

When I get home from Tulsa, we have a trip planned for Springfield to help one of my best friends move into college in Bolivar. I won't even be home a full day before school starts. We'll get home the 16th of August and school starts the 17th.

Now don't get me wrong, I like to travel. God has definitely blessed me this summer. It's just gone by so fast. I have forgotten what it feels like to be lazy and swim and shop. Now I'm going to be a senior, and I'm graduating in less than a year. Man, that's crazy. I do have good news though. I passed my AP English Language test which means that I don't have to take comp 1. That means I have three hours underneath my belt. One class I won't have to take. Hopefully, next year the same thing will happen with comp 2.

I have learned so much this summer. Yes I have learned about leadership, our country's capitol, and stories from my great-grandma. But I've also learned more about God than I would've at 5 church camps. The mission trip blew any camp, especially Falls Creek, out of the water. I've learned more about trusting God and having faith in Him. I've learned more about humility. I've learned how important and vital my quiet time is everyday. I've learned not to complain and have more patience.

God is so good. There's no doubt about that. He's my true love and my first love, and that's all I have to say.

Monday, July 30, 2007

I love Chicago

Well, I got home from Chicago two days ago. I'm still lagging on sleep, but overall, it was an amazing trip. I would have stayed there with all the kids if it had not been for school starting and my family. It was so hard to leave those kids.

We traveled up there Friday and Saturday. Sunday we attended the church's worship and church service. I was in church for 6 1/2 hours last Sunday. It was awesome, though. I loved it.

Monday was the first morning of VBS. That went well. Then, that night, I got to go downtown and we fed the homeless. It was like we were in a city underneath the city.

This is where the homeless live. This is a section that the mayor has had fenced off because he is trying to run the homeless off.

Tuesday, we had VBS again in the morning. We were supposed to paint that afternoon, but the paint didn't come so we just kind of hung out around the church.

The six girls that are closest to me in this picture are older girls who I ended up spending a lot of time with. I had so much fun with them. Starting with the girl on the far left, their names are: Charnise, Jaslyne, the one behind me is Ebony, Shada, Destinee, and Michelle. They are all so sweet and fun.

Wednesday after VBS, we ended up prayer walking in the neighborhoods around the church. It was an awesome experience. Then we went to the Moody Church Prayer Meeting that night.

This is The Moody Church.

This is the sanctuary of Moody Church. It's beautiful. Elisabeth Elliot and her husband Jim had their first date at this church. I found out later after the prayer service that the pastor of the church went to Wheaton College, where Elisabeth and Jim went to college. Is God not a god of romance or what?

This is me on the roof of Moody Church. We got to see the lights of Chicago at night. It was beautiful.

This is another view of Chicago from the roof of Moody Church.

Thursday, I was with the older girls again. I got to talk to them about Esther. Then we explained the ABC's of becoming a Christian. I had the opportunity to talk to one of the girls one on one. We read the story of Christ's crucifixion together. She had never heard it before. She ended up getting saved. Her name is Shada.

This is a picture of me and Shada on the day she got saved. I'll never forget it.

Thursday night, we went to the Navy Pier and Buckingham Fountain. They were both beautiful to see.

This is a picture of me at Navy Pier.

This is me in front of the Buckingham Fountain.

This is C.J. I met him on Saturday, and he was constantly at my side throughout the week. He's so cute. I didn't want to leave him, and he didn't want me to leave either. He was probably my favorite kid that I met all week.

Here's C.J. again. Isn't he cute?

This is me and Jasmine. She constantly wanted me to hold her and hug her. Needless to say, I didn't want to leave her either.

These are my girls. They are so beautiful. I miss them so much.

This is me and Lanaii. She was attached to me too. She didn't want me to leave either. It was hard to say goodbye.

Arileous is on the left, then me, then my little Tremel. She's so cute. Arileous forgot to smile, but he's still cute.

I wish I could post all my pictures, but I don't want to take the time to post all 263 of them. I took a lot of pictures. Well, I hope these pictures give you an insight into what we did. I was so blessed to get to go. I am so blessed that it's not even funny. I miss all those kids. I hope I get to go back next year. It would be great. Just remember one thing: don't ever take what you have for granted. Ever

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Saying Goodbye

So today I had to say goodbye to my great-grandma. I leave for my mission trip in 2 days, and I'm only going to work one more week when I get back. For that week, I'm going to drive back and forth from home. Today was the last day at my grandma's house.

It was hard to say goodbye. Not that I was torn about what to do, but seeing the look in her eyes made me so sad. When I was bringing all my stuff out, she said, "Oh, I hate to see this." It hurts to hear her say that, but I can't stay down here forever. I think she thought I was going to say even when school started, so she was disappointed to hear I was going home so early.

She was sad to see me go, but I know she enjoyed the company. She must have said three or four times how much she loved me and hated to see me go. I told her thank you for letting me stay with her, and she said it was her pleasure. I don't doubt for a minute that it was.

I hate that she's by herself all the time, but it's not like there is no one around here to stay with her. Most of her family lives down here, so in my opinion, she shouldn't be lonely, but yet she still is. I'm not going to say anymore about that because it is a touchy subject.

Anyway, two days until I leave. I talk to you later. Bye.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Making Progress

So, I'm proud to say that I've lost two pounds. It's not much, but I'm happy with it. I've got to start somewhere. I went for a walk last night and jogged a few times. Then, this morning, I got up and walked and jogged again for about 35 minutes. I was so proud of myself. I have to keep telling myself that I want to do this for me and not anyone else. Then when I got to work today I tried on a dress that was tight last week, and I got it zipped up all the way, and it fit very nicely. I actually tried on two dresses that fit that were the size that I've been wanting to get back into. I'm so happy. I wanted to go down to the Bistro and get a little treat, but now I'm glad I didn't. Trying on those dresses gave me motivation.

Speaking of making progress, I think God put me in that situation Friday night to draw me closer to Him. I started a book that I've already read twice. It's called "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. She's a wonderful author. Each time I've read her book, I've gotten new persectives on things. She went to college back in the 40s and 50s, so her outlook was very innocent and pure. I'm sick of "playing Christian." I realize that I've gotten kind of slack lately in more than one area. But I don't want to stay that way.

Well, 4 more days until the mission trip. I'm so excited. We had our commissioning service yesterday at church. It was good. I will post some pictures when I get back. I know I'll have a lot. Well, I will talk later. I don't know if I'll be able to post more before I leave or not. If not, I'll talk when I get back. That's all for now.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Dodging Satan's Blows!

Last night, a bunch of my girlfriends and I got together at one of our friend's house, and we had a little get together. It's been awhile since we were all together by ourselves, like just us. It startled me how a few of my friends have changed, for the worse.

My best friend and I have had this journal that we've been writing back in forth in. Yesterday, she wrote me that we need to take a stand for God and change this generation. That's great, and I'm totally for it, but they were looking at stuff on you tube that wasn't good. It was stuff that I was ashamed to see. Ashamed to see that people that I call my friends were looking at. I left the room, and did not watch the rest of it.

Then we were watching this movie on T.V. and in this movie, they took the Lord's name in vain. I hate that. So, I had the remote, and I muted it. Then, everyone looked at me, and was like, "Why did you do that for?" And I was like, "Didn't you hear that?" And they were like, "What?" It's like they've become immune to it. They didn't even notice it. I mean all of us go to church, all of us say we're Christians, and I feel like I'm the only one who really is devoted to Christ. It's so hard. Sometimes, I can't wait for college. I want to go so bad. I don't know if things will be any easier in college, but at least I'll be able to meet to new people. People who actually are committed to their walk with God.

Then, of all things, I wake up this morning, and there are like three pimples on my face. I was broken out major. If that's not a confidence booster, then I don't know what is. It's like my friends were really different, my face looked awful, and on top of that, my wonderful time of the month has arrived. Satan is really working on me good. But I'm not going to let him whip me. I just wish I had a friend sometimes who had the same standards and was brought up the same way I was. That's why I can't wait for college. My future roommate has been brought up the way I have. If not more so than me. She's a preacher daughter, and she's one of the few pk's that actually is good.

Oh well, just one more year. I just need to pray for my friends and not compromise my beliefs and standards. Just pray.

Friday, July 13, 2007


Well, let's just say I'm a little bit frustrated. I've slowly but surely put on weight, and I've been trying to lose it, but it seems like every time I get started, something comes up, and I mess up. I've read so many diet plans and tried every exercise it seems, and I just keep coming to a dead end. I was going to wear jeans to work today, and when I tried them on this morning, I changed my mind. I pretty much looked atrocious in them. I mean I've been walking every morning at grandma's for like 30-40 minutes, but I'm getting nowhere. I've tried the whole weight-watchers point system, but it works for like 2 days, and then I don't stick with it. I know I probably snack too much, but it just seems like, I don't know, I just want to lose weight.

And then, I have the guilty conscience thing telling me that I'm too obsessed about it, that I need to be more focused on God than my body. I'm hoping though that when drum practice and band practice starts again, that I'll be getting more exercise and maybe my metabolism will speed up.

I guess I just need encouragement, prayer, and advice. If you have any advice about weight-loss/fitness, that would be great. I'm going to a party tonight with a bunch of my friends, and I really don't want to blow it. My goal is to lose my desired weight before I start taking senior pictures. I don't want to look back on them and say, "Man, I wish I could've lost that weight." My mom also told me that I didn't gain the weight overnight, and I'm not going to lose it overnight. I know I can do this. I've done it before. I just need some motivation. Major.

The only thing is, I don't want this to be a thing just for senior pictures. I want this to be a lifestyle change so I can be healthy and not have to worry about it when I get old.

Well, here's my first "yucky" post. Sorry it was kind of down.

Well, talk to you later.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

9 more days

So, in 9 more days, I leave for my mission trip in Chicago. I'm so excited. We're driving up there in two fifteen passenger vans.

Let me give you a run down of what we'll be doing.

We will be staying in the church that we are ministering to. It's called the Rose of Light Missionary Baptist Church. It's an African-American church. Sunday morning we get to attend church. They have a very long church service from what I've heard. An hour and a half for Sunday school, two hours for just the worship service, and then the sermon follows. We'll have quite the wake-up call, I'm sure.

Then, every morning, we will be holding VBS from 9-12 for the area children. On Monday after VBS, we will be painting and doing stuff for the church. In the evening, we will be going into the city to distribute food and working at the church's soup kitchen. I know I am not mature enough in the sense to distribute food in the city at night. I will be at the church.

Tuesday after VBS, we have to get out of the church because they have a Bible study that night. We will be going to Wrigley Field and all the stuff that surrounds it. We will also be going to the Field Museum.

Wednesday after VBS, we will be going to the Moody Bible Church.

Thursday we will be attending Uptown Baptist Church and the Navy Pier. Then Friday night is family night for the VBS. We will be driving home on Saturday.

What's so funny is that before I even knew about the mission trip, I wrote this story that included this girl who went to Chicago on a mission trip and worked in a soup kitchen.

Well, I'll talk later. Bye.

Monday, July 9, 2007

God is so Good.

Being down here at my gg's is getting better, but it was wonderful to get to go home this weekend. Things are starting to pick up back in Grove. Drumline practice starts this Thursday, and I'm kind of glad. I haven't picked up a pair of sticks and really played drum stuff since last marching season. Then at the end of this month, I'm going on a mission trip to Chicago. I'm so excited.

At church yesterday, the Sunday school lesson and the sermon were both really good. My youth pastor started this thing where he let a few of us pick an amount of scripture and we get to do a short lesson over it. It just so happened that in the chapters we could choose from, one of the sections was titled "Do Not Worry." What a coincidence. I was so excited when I saw that. God knows exactly what we need and want. Isn't that awesome to know?

Last night, my mom and I went for a walk. After that, we went to my neighbors' house and I took them banana bread that I had made them. They were watching the old version of Little Women on T.V. I think I like it better than the newer version. It was so good. I love the way they picked the actors back then. They were all so tall, dark, and handsome. The part where the German professor proposes to Jo gave me the goosebumps. It made me want to fall in love.

I want to write stories like that someday. I want to write in a way that makes people feel emotions they didn't know they had. Someday, I'll sit down and separate the thousand stories that are swirling around in my head. I can't wait to get my start. I love writing.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I'll talk later.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Isn't Life Funny?

So today is July 4th.

All of my family, my mom, dad, brother, cousins, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, great-grandma, and my second cousin, who I have not seen in over a year, are going to be at my great-grandma's house, and I'm stuck at work today. Well, I didn't think it would be too bad because I could work at the pizza place and get to see everyone when they came to get the pizza. Well, because I'm new, the owner of the pizza place's wife is working over there today, and I get to watch the tanning salon. I like working over here, but it's so boring. I get to get online, which is good, but I wanted to be in on all the action at the pizza place since it's the 4th of July. I mean I don't get to see my family anyway because I'm at work, but now I'm over here. Well, at least I got to see my aunt and her boys last week. I just wanted to see everyone together. Oh well, maybe next year.

I guess this is the joy of having a job. Life isn't always easy. I guess this is teaching me what it will be like to grow up and work in the real world someday. I did work really hard yesterday. This could be God's way of giving me a break. He does funny things sometimes, doesn't He? They did say they would come down and see me though. We'll probably be able to talk better here than at the pizzeria anyway. Well, I hope all you bloggers out there have an awesome 4th of July. Be safe and don't drink. Ha Ha. But seriously, don't. Talk to you later. Bye.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Okay, so this post doesn't really have anything to do with waiting, but I'm going to include stuff about my daily life anyway.

I got a job this summer in a little town in rural Oklahoma. It's about 25 minutes from where I live. Well, my great-grandma and a few of my other relatives live in this town. I've been living with my great-grandma while I've been working. I go to church with my family on Sundays though. Well, when I first began living with her, it was difficult. I mean I'm 17, she's 96, there's quite a bit of an age difference there. I love her to death, but it was really hard. I started asking God to teach me why he had allowed me to be with her. So the last couple of days that I've been with her, it's been a little easier.

Then, I got home from work yesterday, and God really revealed why I am down here. She is 96 years old, and she has 96 years of stories and memories built up inside of her. She told me so many stories last night that cracked me up.

She told me of the time when her grandfather and she were going to go on a picnic one day around brunch time. Well, it started to rain. Her grandpa said, "An early morning rain is like an old woman dancing. She'll soon give out." She said her grandpa was always saying something funny like that.

Then she told me that her younger brother, Dorin, use to like to send her funny postcards that would embarrass her. He sent her a postcard one time that showed a little boy getting in trouble for tipping over the out house. His dad was the one that was getting on to him. The little boy said, "Abraham Lincoln's son didn't get in trouble for tipping over the out house." The dad said, "Yes, but Abraham Lincoln wasn't in the out house either." I laughed so hard at that.
She also told me about the postcard that Dorin sent her that showed a man standing with a long line of kids behind him, as far as the eye can see. The postcard said something like, "I wonder what he's doing when he's not fishing?" I laughed pretty hard at that one too.

I knew that my great-grandma had a lot of brothers and sisters, but I didn't know she had 6. I memorized the order. Homer, Minny, Peril, Rilla(that's my grandma), Pat(short for Cleopatra, cool huh?), Dorin, and Palmer. Palmer is the only other sibling of my g-grandma's who is still alive. She likes to call him in the evening at seven. They talk for a little while. She really likes it.

She told me of the time when she was growing up when they had a whole bunch of telephones on the same phone line. At the time, her dad was in the hospital. Well, her mom couldn't be there with him because she had all the kids to look after. But the nurse told the mom that she would call her if anything came up. Well, with the telephone thing, the more receivers that were off the hook, the harder it was for someone to hear a phone call. One night the nurse called, and the mom was having a hard time hearing her. She told the nurse that, and all of the sudden they heard a voice on the line. It was one of the neighbors. He said, "Well, if all these damn neighbors would hang up the phone, you might be able to hear." I laughed because my g-grandma said that word and because it was so funny.

She told me of the time her dad had planted a new tree. Well, my g-grandma and one of her sisters were out playing one day when one of their indian friends came to play. My gg (shorter than great-grandma) told her indian friend about the new tree. Well, most indians have superstitions and so did this one. She told my gg that once that tree grew big enough to shade her daddy's grave, her daddy would die. Well, naturally, that scared my gg. She and her sister wiggled the roots of that tree around, and later it died. She told her dad that later when she was grown up. He laughed and said he wondered why that tree died.

She also told me of the time her dad took her sister Pat to town to get her a pair of red shoes. Pat was so proud of her red shoes. When they got home, some family friends were over at their house. There was a little boy in this family who was around the girls' age. They were younger than ten, I think. Anyway, when the family was getting ready to leave, the little boy cried that he didn't want to leave his red shoes. Their dad pulled Pat aside and told her if she gave her shoes to the little boy, he would take her to town and get her another pair. So she gave her shoes to the little boy, and her dad was true to his word. My gg told me that the little boy died two weeks later, of the cause she forgot. But at least he got his red shoes.

She told me that her kitchen table was her late husband's mom's table. She told me that the table had fed indians and a ton of other people. I asked her about the indians. She told me that if they saw someone walking down the street back then they'd ask them if they had dinner, and if they hadn't they invited them to dinner, whether they knew them or not. You don't see that very often these days.

I also like staying with her because in the mornings I get to walk down her lane. It's good for walking, but it's good for thinking too. There are so many things I think of when I walk. I have my prayer time when I walk. I think I want to write someday, and I think of stories when I walk. If anyone were watching me from a distance they might think I'm crazy sometimes because I have conversations between the different characters of my books out loud. But the glory of it is that no one hears me except God. The country is beautiful.

I miss home, but I know that I'm being blessed by getting to stay with my gg. She's losing her hearing, her sight, and her memory, but I think God is allowing her to recall those things that happened so long ago. I'm finally discovering my blessing that was in disguise, but not anymore.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

It's a Long Story

I'm going to start from the beginning of a very long story.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've received a message that boys are bad news. I received this message from uncles, grandpa's, but most importantly from my dad. Well, because of this message, I didn't treat guys the way a Christian girl should've treated them. I was rude and bitter toward them. Especially when they acted gross or perverted. At the beginning of last year, my junior year of high school, I was especially rude to them. I'm on the drum line at my high school, and I'm one of two girls on the line. Anyway, my dad and best friend were noticing my behavior towards guys. My best friend had to give me "nice" lessons. The only thing was, I didn't think laughing at the guys on the drum line when they were perverted was good. I realized that I don't have to agree with it or endorse it, but I don't want to make enemies by being snooty either. So, I started being nice, and all those guys on the drum line started noticing.

Now let me back up to December of 2005. My dad came home one night from work while I was on Christmas Break and told me of this son of one of his colleagues. He said this guy was a Christian, smart, tall, (which is good because I'm tall), good-looking, and he was looking for a Christian girl just to be friends with. Of course, I was interested. I was really interested. So, my dad gave a picture of me to this guy's mom, and she gave a picture of her son to my dad. (Kind of corny, right?) Anyway, I saw the picture of him. He was okay. He wasn't drop-dead handsome or anything like that, but he was okay. My dad asked me if it was okay if he had my phone number. I said yes. From that night on, I waited for about four months every night for him to call me. I was a little bit obsessed. Just a tad. Then, in April of my sophomore year, I realized what I had been doing and how my relationship with God had been suffering. I was putting more effort into this guy, we'll call him B, who I didn't even know, than I was with God who knew me better than I know myself.

So, I forgot about him. Then, in December of 2006, when I got over my meanness towards guys, I go to a nearby college to take the ACT. On the way there, I wondered if he would be there, but just kind of dismissed the thought. Well, lo and behold, when I walked in, there he was. I knew it was him before I saw his last name on his letterman jacket, but then that reassured me it was him. I didn't say anything to him. I didn't even know him. He didn't recognize me though because the picture he had seen of me was when I was year and a half younger. I took the test, and when I got home, I told my dad that I saw him. He asked me if I talked to him, and I told him no. On Monday, when he went to work, he told B's mom that I saw B at the ACT. Well, being a mom, she wanted to do something about that. She told B that I was there, and at the time, I didn't really care. So, the coming Saturday was Dec. 16, 2006. I was working at the Christian bookstore in my town, and I get a call. The last name on the CID was B's last name. I almost had a heart attack. I answered it, and B's mom asked about a kind of music that we had or something. Then, about 20 minutes later, they pulled up outside, and he gets out with his mom. He comes in and I'm busy helping someone wrap a gift. When I got a free moment, he came over and introduced himself to me. We ended up talking for about an hour. Before he left he handed me his cell phone and told me to put my number in his phone. He also invited me to his basketball game the following week. (Side note: I checked my journal and discovered that it was Dec. 14, 2005, when I first heard about B. I waited 367 days to meet him. Talk about waiting huh?) Then he left. The moment he left I told myself that his personality reminded me of this annoying guy that I had been in band with. But I ignored it thinking that this was different. So the following Tuesday, my mom and I went to his basketball game. He barely said a word to me after the game. I thought that the next day he would text me, but he didn't. Well, on the way to church, I texted him (against my better judgement) telling him that he had played a good game the night before. After church he texted back, and we ended up texting that night for almost 2 hours. At the end he told me he would talk to me tomorrow. He never did.

So I waited a week. He still hadn't texted me back. So I texted him again. We talked for about 20 minutes then he said he had to go. He said he would talk to me later, though. Well, he never did. December 29, 2006, was the following Thursday or Friday, I can't remember. I went to my cousin's house for a Christmas party. While I was there, she had to leave and go get some girls. I was there for about 1 hour by myself. While I was there, I was basically staring at my phone the entire time. I wanted B to text me so bad. He never did. Finally, I texted my best friend and told her what was going on and how miserable I felt. She texted me back telling me I was stronger than this, and that this shouldn't lick me. She asked me if I was near a radio, and I said no. She ended up calling me and held her phone up to her radio. She had it on Air 1 and the song was "Me and Jesus" by Stellar Kart. I started crying. It was so perfect. I knew right then that I didn't need a guy and this B person who I had only met twice, wasn't worth it. So, I deleted his number off my phone. Then, I spent the night with my best friend New Year's Eve. On New Year's Day, we decided that we were going to forget about guys for the year of 2007. We were going to focus on God and not let guys distract us. She and I are kind of opposites. I never had a boyfriend, and she's had more than I can count. Literally. Anyway, I held up my end of the deal, but by February, she had a boyfriend. But they are pretty cute together, and I love them.

Fast forward to April. One week before my prom, which I didn't go to because I didn't have a date because there was no one in my high school who I wanted to go with. B texts me one week before my prom. I don't know what kind of a message he was trying to send. So I put his number back in my phone. Then I went to Girls State in May. He texted me the first night asking me if I was out of school. I told him I was at Girls State so he didn't text me back until Saturday. On Saturday, we ended up texting for about 2 hours. When I got home, I told my dad about it. He told me that the reason B might not have been texting me first was because he needed affirmation from me that I liked him. My dad also said that I should suggest that B call me.

So, the next day after church, it was like two o'clock, I texted him. We ended up texting for 2 hours again. Then, I suggested that he call me, and I haven't heard from him since. He probably dropped the phone and ran. Later that week, Tuesday I think, I had gotten home from a bad day at work, and I asked my dad if B's mom had said anything to him. She hadn't except that she thought her son was a silly boy. I think I agree with that. So I was down and depressed and just started crying on the living room floor. Later, when my mom and I were alone, she told me that she didn't think it was right what I had done. I knew before I did it that it wasn't right. But I did it anyway because Daddy thought it was okay. (Note to all you Daddy's girls out there: Daddy does know best, but only part of the time. The only Daddy that knows best all the time, is our Heavenly Father. But I'll touch more on that later.) My dad had heard our conversation, and he came back and apologized. He told me something that I will never forget: "If he doesn't have the guts to chase you, then he's not worth it." I love that. A couple of weeks ago, I deleted his number off my phone for the second time and hopefully the last.

I realize now that I tricked myself into thinking this guy was the one. Well, my dad told me that B's mom called me her future daughter-in-law, something my dad never should have told me. Daddy was involved with it so I thought it was a good thing. That's not true.

I'm 17 years old, and I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and never been on a date with a guy. I'm not ashamed of that though. I'm saving my first kiss for my wedding day at the altar. Waiting is not a cake walk. But it doesn't have to be a road of despair either. My singleness has allowed me to invest relationships with my girlfriends, family, but most importantly, my Awesome God. I made a commitment before I went into high school that I wasn't going to date. It wasn't hard until my junior year. This has been the first year that I've really wanted a boyfriend or just a good guy friend to hang with. My aunt told me something though that I thought was really cool. "Maybe God is saving your first guy best friend to be the man that you marry." If that's true, then I praise God. I have one more year left of not dating. But I don't look at it like that. I look at it as one more year of growing more madly in love with the creator of the universe.

I just recently finished a book entitled "Lavender and Old Lace." In that book, there is a quote that says, "To pursue a gentleman, however innocent one is-is unmaidenly." I knew that before all this, but I wish I would've read that before that Sunday afternoon. Oh well, like they say, hindsight is 20/20.

I don't know what college will bring. I dream of finding "the one" at college, but I want God's will. I know that my waiting is not over. But I'm not going to worry while I wait, I'm going to worship God.