Thursday, April 30, 2009

Kisses from God

So today started out okay. I woke up tired--a usual state these days--and forced myself out of bed. There was no hot water, so I only ended up washing my hair. I can stand washing my hair in cold water, but not taking a cold shower. Needless to say, that woke me up.

It was kind of dreary here today, and I was still tired after my Biology class so I skipped chapel. Today was my first skip all semester, and we get seven skips. I tried to sleep, but my mind was doing one hundred other things and wouldn't let me.

Finally, it was time to go to my favorite class, Intro to Music. You probably can't taste the hint of sarcasm there, but it's not really my favorite class. Sometimes it's hard to keep a good attitude in that class, but today I did better, and to my great surprise, the class actually went by faster. It was wonderful. I was so pleased.

Then I went to lunch, and I ate with my roommie and future suite mates. That was fun. They always make me laugh. I went to the yearbook office to work on some stuff before heading to my Old Testament Class. It was a good lecture, and I'm learning a lot about the prophets.

Then I walked back to class with my body begging for me to sleep. But I didn't want to sleep. I had wanted to sleep earlier, but not then. I went back to the dorm, checked the mail because my mom had sent me a check for my trip to Texas this weekend, took it to the bank, went to Wal-Mart, and then went to the park to walk/run. Well, I had made it once around the park walking briskly, and I started on my second time. I was running, then walking, then running, then walking. I don't really believe in running with all your might except in our spiritual race in life. I will run for little segments to get my heart rate going, but the only time I'll flat out run for you is if there is a fire. Other than that, I don't see a need to sprint. So I kept up with my little pattern. (Funny side note: our park has a peacock in it, and as I was walking past it today, it really starting squawking, or whatever peacocks do. It was so loud, and so funny. It kind of scared me.) Anyway, I was at the top of this hill and could see my little truck off in the distance when it started to sprinkle. I thought, "Well a sprinkle isn't too bad. I can handle this." I walked a little further and the sprinkle turned into a light, steady rain. And slowly but surely that light, steady rain turned into a full on downpour. I started to run then, but my poor little not-used-to- running-body tuckered out on me. I just walked in the downpour.

It was kind of neat though. I've always wanted to just walk in the rain and not care if I get totally soaked. It's just kind of fun. I was laughing so hard. Lately, I've been battling with choosing God's love over falling for worldly romance. Walking through that rain, feeling the cold moisture land on my shoulders and face, it was easy to choose God's love. No other man on this earth can kiss me with rain. No other man can make it rain. I laughed in such a way that I never had before. I almost wanted to cry. It was as if everyone of those raindrops was a kiss from God. The rain smelled so fresh and made my skin so soft. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever experienced.

When I got back to the truck, my hair was soaked as were my tennis shoes and socks. But I didn't care. It was all so fun. I was so caught up in being soaked with God's love that nothing else mattered.

He's been showing me so many new things lately, and I've started a new book. Well, actually two, but one's been occupying my time more than the other. He's filling my head with ideas that I write down, in turn, glorifying him.

I'm going to Texas this weekend with four other girls. I can't wait. I haven't been to Texas in about four or five years, and I miss it so much. I don't miss the heat and humidity, but I do miss the memories that were once made in that grand state when my aunt used to live there. What fun times those were.

Well, I really should study for my computing quiz I have tomorrow, but I want to leave you with one last thought.

The next time you wonder if God is really there and if he really cares about your life, wait for a good downpour and go and just stand in it. How many times do we run from rain? No one wants to get wet, but clothes dry and life goes on. Get wet in God's love and let him kiss you. It will be a kiss you won't soon forget.

May you have a God Blessed rest of the week.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Awaiting summer and all its glory!

I think I have around three and a half weeks of school left plus finals week. That doesn't seem possible. The days are going by really fast and last week went by like a blink. It's when I sit in the classes that I don't like that make it seem like the end of school will never get here. But I know that I don't have much longer left. And for this I am so thankful.

I'm considering changing my major, again. For a long time, before I ever graduated high school, I wanted to teach English. Then I decided against it because I didn't want to go back to school after getting out of school, even if it was just to teach. To be honest though, I have no desire to go into Public Relations. I think the reason why I wanted to double major in that with writing was because I thought it would be easy to get a job and it would help me get a start in writing. But I've never dreamed of working in that field, and to be honest, I can't see myself doing that when I get out of college.

Two nights ago, my roommie and I watched this movie called "Freedom Writers" starring Hilary Swank. This movie was amazing. It reminded me of why I had ever wanted to teach in the first place. I even looked at the hours on our school website and it would be totally manageable. I also think it would put my parents a little more at ease. Not that I should pick my career based on what my parents think, but with the way the economy is, we have concurred that it will probably be easier finding a teaching job than a PR position. Plus, I will have summers off to write, and I would have holidays and weekends off with my kids. I know I have to be wise about my decision, which I will because I will consult God about every step of making it, but I also think that using common sense is wise in a matter like this.

I'm still praying about it though. I'm going to talk to one of my high school teachers who made an impact on my life and ask her how she knew she was supposed to teach. I told God a long time ago that I would do whatever it was he wanted me to do. I don't even know if teaching is the career he has for me or not. But thinking about teaching leaves me with a greater peace than PR.

I started reading this book by Frances J. Roberts called Come Away, My Beloved. I had never heard of it until one of the girls who I know here at college found a copy and posted an exert from it on facebook. Once I read that, I knew I had to have it and I ordered a copy from Amazon. It's probably one of the best books I've ever read. It's written as if God is speaking directly to you in an intimate and personal way. There are times I just want to cry because it's so breathtaking. The book is the original version of it, so the language is old English written with all the "thee's" and "ye's." But I love it. I'm also reading like four other books right now that I hope to finish soon along with all the reading for my classes. Then I also have books I haven't even started that I want to read. I wish I had all the time in the world to just sit and read and write. I would have to take breaks to sleep, eat, and work-out, but other than that, I would be set.

Anyway, I hadn't blogged in a while and I just wanted to catch up. Today is beautiful, and it's just a taste of the beautiful summer God has coming my way.

Hope your day is beautiful and gorgeous too.
God Bless.

Monday, April 13, 2009

In love. . . with this guy I know called God.

I'm back at school from my long weekend, and it was so nice to go home. I did go to the doctor's office on Thursday when I got home and they drew my blood. I found out today that my iron is low, but everything else is fine. They also ordered an ultrasound of my abdomen (which I must say was a little awkward, especially since a guy did it), but I did get to see my liver, one of my kidneys, my gallbladder, and my aorta. It was kind of neat to see them because I had just studied them in Biology and now I know that they really are in there.

My mom and I went to Joplin on Saturday and had a ball. I love her so much. She, of course, was her goofy self and we made some pretty funny memories that day. We went by this place called Suzanne's Natural Foods. I found some gluten-free stuff and for the past 48 hours, I have been gluten-free, and already I feel better. Granted it is difficult to eat things without gluten, but I've noticed that everything (or almost everything) that contains gluten is not good for you. I've eaten really healthy these last 48 hours and I'm sure I will continue to as to avoid what I had been going through.

On Wednesday I'm going to another health food store with my roommate to try to find some more food. My mom and I also found these books at the health food store in Joplin about dieting based on your blood type. I thought it was kind of odd that one's blood type could have a correlation with what one eats, but after I read a little bit of it, it really opened my eyes to a lot of pertinent information. In these books (mine was for type O blood and my mom's was for type A, although she isn't sure if that's her blood type, but she thinks so), it breaks down each food group and tells you what foods are highly beneficial, what foods are neutral, and what foods to avoid. Over winter break I ate a lot of oranges because I love oranges. After about a week of eating all these oranges, my face started breaking out. Well, when I looked in this book under the fruit section, it told me to avoid oranges. This book equates highly beneficial foods to medicines and foods to avoid as poisons. So if oranges are like a poison to my body, no wonder I broke out. Under the grains, breads, and pastas food group there was nothing highly beneficial for me except manna bread. I don't even know what that is. But it told me to avoid gluten and every kind of wheat. Funny huh?

Thanks for all the prayers. I am feeling much better. My mom said that my doctor was writing me a script for an iron pill so I will be starting that shortly and hopefully that will help my iron deficiency.

School is going good, although I'm getting ready for it to be out. We have five weeks and finals left, but I think it will go by fast. This weekend I'm going to a play with a friend that our college is putting on. It's called "The Importance of Being Earnest." I've seen the movie and it's great, so I'm really excited to see the play. The next weekend I have another Welcome Week training weekend. Then I'm going to Texas with some friends the first weekend of May. After that we're having a lock-in with the kids from the Wednesday night ministry that I work with on the second weekend in May. On the third weekend, I'm going to a training for the pregnancy crisis center that I will be continuing with in the fall, and then I'm done. The fourth weekend in May I'm going to one of my really good friend's wedding. I'm so excited for her and I know she will look beautiful. (Love you, Hannah)

So that's what the rest of my semester looks like. That wore me out just thinking about it. I enroll on Wednesday for the fall semester. That doesn't seem possible. I'm going to be a sophomore in college next year. Time goes by so fast.

God is still teaching me more everyday, and I'm learning to fall more in love with him. He romances me and shows me how much he loves me. I couldn't have a better guy in the whole world.

I hope your week is wonderful. May God Bless.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Good Dose of Humble Pie!

If I could say one thing about the last week, it is this: I know God is working on me. And by that, I mean he is humbling me with every experience I go through. He wants me to become more like his son, and the only way to do that is to break my pride. For some reason, my pride has gotten in the way lately and has bloomed, but not in a very pretty way. It's funny how well God knows us. He knows the exact things that will hurt the worst, but also the things that we will grow from the most.

He's also, once again, showing his unfailing love for me. The other night my dad called me saying that my pastor from back home was looking for a female intern to work with the youth at our church this summer. Our youth pastor resigned about a month and a half ago, and they already have a male intern. It would be a paid position, and I would get to work with youth, more specifically, teenage girls. My mom has been praying for this for a long time. I didn't even see it coming. I had been worried about finding a summer job, but God just kind of brought this one my way. He's so good.

I'm going home this weekend to get some tests done. My mom and I think I may have a gluten intolerance along with lactose intolerance. I didn't really think about the lactose thing because I don't break out or have any symptoms when I take in lactose, but she still thinks it could be there. We are also going to get my thyroid tested. My iron has also been low, but we think that could be related to the gluten thing. I don't know what to think. If I am allergic to gluten, the majority of the foods I eat will be out the window. I'll have to learn how to eat all over again. Thankfully, though, the condition is becoming more common so manufacturers are starting to make foods without gluten. I will give updates as soon as I return. Hopefully, there's nothing too wrong with me.

Well, I have class in about twenty minutes so I better wrap it up. I hope you have a lovely Easter and may we rejoice that he did rise again and waits to come get us some day.

May God Bless during this season.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Lesson Number.....I don't know, I've lost count.

So I didn't get the RA position at my residence hall. At first, I was a little upset as can be expected. Then I called my mom and vented a little bit to her. I know God has a reason for not allowing me to have the position. I don't quite know what that reason is, but I'm sure that I'll look back on this someday, and I'll know the reason then. Some good things that have come out of it are that I will have more time to spend at the pregnancy resource center where I will be mentoring starting in the fall. I will also be able to get a job, hopefully. And I'll have more time for my classes and being with friends. Not that I wouldn't have had that time with friends, but being a RA is a constant 24/7 job.

I think God has already taught me a few lessons since discovering the outcome earlier this afternoon. 1.) If I would've been offered the position, my room and board would have been paid for and a very great money concern would've been fixed, just like that. What if God is saying, "Jana, I want you to depend on me for all your financial needs. You never know how I may surprise you and fulfill them. I want you to keep trusting me"? I can almost hear him saying those exact words. 2.) The second lesson he's teaching me is humility. I could get into a long drawn out discourse about something, but I won't. Just take my word for it, I'm very humbled right now. That's for sure. 3.) And thirdly, the big kahuna if you will, he wants me to stop being so much of a planner. Where have we heard this before? Uh, let's see, maybe the first three weeks of when I got back to school in January. God keeps teaching me that his ways are not my ways. And I know that he has something better for me since I didn't get RA.

Another thing I thought of ,though, as I was driving to Wal-Mart after my long and needed talk with my mother is that I am a dreamer. I love to dream (plan) about things to come. I know some of the things I dream about are dreams given to me by God. Some of them might not be. But when I dream about something and wish for it like I did this, anticipation rushes through my veins like nothing ever has. It's stronger than adrenaline, it's just this powerful thing. But then, when things don't go the way you planned and dreams don't come true, you have to take a step back and wonder, "Why did I dream so big with this, yet only have my dreams dashed?" or "What is the point of dreaming at all if there is always that chance of disappointment?" Those are very good questions. And one could say that yes the safer thing would be to stop dreaming altogether and not have the opportunity of disappointment. But I would say that dreams are from God. Whether they are fulfilled or not, they are given to us for a reason. Some of my dreams have already been fulfilled, some have not, and like today, some get dashed. But the point is to never stop dreaming and that dreams are just dreams. They may or may not come true, but imagining them coming true is a delightful thing.

I don't know what lesson this is in my long line of "God Lessons" that I've been taught because trust me, there have been a plethora. But this one is just as poignant and pertinent as the one before it and the next one. Maybe learning this lesson was more important to God than me being a RA. Who knows except God?

Tomorrow my Old Testament group presents our group project. I'm really excited, and I think all our hard work will pay off and we will get A's. That's what I'm hoping for. I guess we'll see.

Thank you again for listening to me talk about my weird life and random lessons from God. But I guess in God's eyes, nothing is random or weird. It's just how he planned it and how he designed us.

I need to go. I have to read for my music class and work on our paper for the project. By the way, if you want to check out our video we made for the project, this is the link Just watch it and laugh. You'd have to hear the whole presentation for the video to make sense, but just laugh. It's pretty funny.

God Bless.