School is slowly but surely starting to wind down, and we only have four more weeks left of classes. I am so happy. I don't think I have ever wanted a break so badly as I want Thanksgiving break. It will be so nice to go home for a week and just relax. I've missed my family so much, especially my mom, and I can't wait to go home and just hang out with them and help my mom cook.
For awhile now, I've been church hopping, just not sure I was going to the right church. This past Sunday I attended the church that I went to most of last year. I knew I was feeling called to go back, and I'm so glad I went. It is definitely where I'm supposed to be. The college minister and his wife also have a small group Bible study at their house on Sunday nights, so I went to that last night too. This Saturday they are having a Thanksgiving dinner for the college students at their house and I'm going to help the wife cook. I'm excited. I don't really know them very well, but I think this will help start a relationship that will last.
I've been seeing a counselor for about two weeks now, and things are improving; however, the improvements are very minuscule. If I am having a bad day or just not feeling good, I'm to the point where I can force myself to do something. A lot of times, I just have to force myself out of my shell. It's not easy, but I manage somehow.
For some time now, my relationship with God has been something of a mystery to me. I know God has been there for me and that he will never leave me. But I'm having to battle this whole idea that our relationship is not based on feelings. It is based on fact. He loves me more than I can or ever will comprehend. I don't deserve that love, and I may not feel loved, but that love is there just the same. God also keeps reminding me how big he is. I know I've talked about that before, but I think I need a reminder of that everyday. This semester my classes have just totally overwhelmed me. Not only has God taught me that I can't handle 18 hours of classes, but he has also taught me that he is bigger than all of it.
I'm still battling a few issues that I'm hoping I can work out by seeing this counselor. I don't want to have to keep battling them for the rest of my life. I know that God doesn't want that either.
I enrolled for classes for the spring semester the other day, and I'm very excited for my schedule. I'm taking history of the English language, New Testament History, Foundations of Education, American Literature 2, and 17th and 18th Century British Lit. I'm also taking my first class of field experience which is just observing teachers in the classroom for education majors. It comes to a grand total of 16 hours with which I am also very pleased. I don't think you could pay me to take 18 hours again. It's not fun. I had to drop my writing minor because I would have had to take 18 hours every semester until I graduate, and I simply told my advisor no. I wasn't going to put myself through all that. And with all the classes I'm taking for the English major I will have taken most of what I would have taken with the writing minor. I'm not really worried about it.
My work on our school newspaper is really going well. I'm enjoying it more than what I thought I would. I've also learned how to manage my time with it and get my work done so I'm not also stressed with school work. I've learned that I have a very sarcastic and sometimes even biting voice when it comes to certain topics. But that's why I'm in charge of the opinion page. It's very fun. I was telling my roommate tonight that tonight in the newspaper office was the first time I pictured myself working for a newspaper after college. I love being able to play with the layout and researching the different topics that I write about. It is quite invigorating.
I'm sitting here in my dorm room listening to Josh Groban's Christmas CD Noel. It's beautiful. What's ironic is that it is around 65 degrees outside. I wish the weather would understand that it is November and change to match the month. I mean I love the warm weather, but I'm ready for the festive cold weather that November is supposed to have.
Oh well, hopefully it will get here sooner than later. I hope everyone is staying well and if you're not, then I hope you get well soon. May God bless you as we begin this holiday season.
Until next time,
Jana
2 comments:
I was totally listening to Josh Groban's "Noel" CD today! I was trying to get in the festive mood to go Christmas tree shopping, but it was 75 degrees outside. It made me feel really weird instead lol.
I'm glad you're taking a lighter load next semester! I'm not the least bit surprised you enjoy working on the paper! I enjoyed my newswriting class and would like to take another one if I get the chance!
Hi Jana,
So sorry I missed your call today. Hopefully we can catch up soon. I really miss you a lot.
Your post sounds like things are going a bit better, as if they are leveling out a bit for you. I am so happy for you that your semester is almost over. I think you are wise to drop the minor if it means taking 18 hours every semester. There is just no reason to kill yourself like that.
That is so neat that you are enjoying writing for the paper so much. I would have thought it was very stressful but, here you are, totally into it! That is wonderful and I am happy for you that it is a positive thing for you during this stressful semester.
Hopefully next semester, when things are a bit less hectic, you will have a good amount of time to think through things and have some good deep discussions with your counselor. It is definitely a great way to learn a lot about yourself and become a stronger person along the way.
I'm glad you went back to your church and are feeling good about it. I think getting involved and getting to know the people in that church will help you feel more connected and more loved while you are in school.
I have gone through times when I don't feel God's love. In tears, I have asked him to help me feel his love at a time when I was feeling especially lonely in Houston. He really opened my eyes to all of the ways he shows me his love, through so many people and in so many ways. I pray that you will feel this also because being away from home can feel pretty lonely sometimes.
Love you bunches, dear niece.
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