The idea for this post spurs from a conversation had at my house last night with my roommates. The conversation is the spring board of this post. As the post continues, the focus may shift to something bigger or more broad. We'll see.
The conversation centered around my roommate and this guy she knows from the YMCA. Well, they've been friends for awhile, and he has dropped hints that he would like to hang out with her more, but he has never followed through. One of our other roommates jumped in on the conversation because she's married and has a little more experience with guys. (Yes, I live with a married couple and then another roommate, in case you're wondering.)
My roommate was talking about how she doesn't want to text this guy or call him because that's what the guy is supposed to do. Well, L, the other roommate, jumps in and says that it is okay for M, my roommate to text the guy and give a little encouragement. For the record, this was the first time I have ever heard this. So we talked a little more about what M should say to this guy. She could say that it would be nice to hang out with him sometime or that they should go get coffee or go for a walk. But neither M or me had ever heard this before. All my life, and all of M's life, we've been told, don't pursue guys, don't text them, don't call them, let them pursue you.
Let's sit back and think about that for a second. Why is a guy supposed to know he should pursue a girl if she gives him no indicator that she likes him or wants to hang out with him? You may say, because he likes her. But how does he know he likes her if she gives him no encouragement? Many a guy has probably realized he doesn't like a girl because she gives him nothing to go off of. Someone drew a fine line between encouragement and pursuing, and I must've missed that epic event. Every book I've read, every Bible study I've been a part of, and every girls conference I've been too said, "Let the guy chase you."
I'm not saying this approach is flawed. For some, this might work. Obviously, for me, it hasn't work, speaking from 21 1/2 years of never having a boyfriend. I know I think sometimes that guys are judgmental and constantly ridiculing girls and their every move, even though they could probably care less. For me, someone who does not have the longest list of guy friends or male "hang-out" buddies, anytime a guy talks to me or shows more than a little interest in me, I think that he likes me. I'm getting better with this, but it's hard. I think the hardest stage for a guy and a girl for a girl to understand is the friend stage. I forget that yes, I can be friends with guys, and that's okay. I can talk to them and them not think I'm crazy. They are people too. Their only existence is not to be boyfriends.
That said, I feel like all those books I read and all those Bible studies I went to made me a little paranoid and scared of boys. Yes, I admit it. I'm a little scared of them at times. But to hear someone who I think very sound in her faith say that it is okay to give guys a little encouragement where encouragement is needed was wonderful. Not chasing after them, just encouraging them. I wish I would've known that a long time ago. I wish I would've known that just asking a guy to go get coffee as friends is okay. I wish I would've known that just talking to guys is okay.
This brings me to part two of my post. As a journalist, I like to investigate things, especially things that are wrong. So over the next however many months, I'm going to read all those books I read when I was 14, 15, 16 and dispel the lies with scripture because I know the lies are there. And yes, I know it says in scripture that a woman is to have a gentle and quiet heart, but I also know that women like Esther, Ruth, Mary, and Hannah probably didn't sit around pining for someone to marry. Esther sure didn't. Ruth was even encouraged by Naomi to go to her man.
I know this may not seem like the biggest priority compared to the gospel, but it's something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. I don't function well in the company of guys because my brain analyzes their every word and action around me. It's bad, really bad. And I do not think this is healthy. I don't think God wants me to be scared of my brothers-in-Christ. I'm not scared of my actual brother, so why should I be scared of them? This will require going against every habit I formed when I was younger, but I think God will teach me a huge lesson on the other side. I don't want to become a flirt. That's not what this is about. This is about learning how to interact with guys in a healthy way and just be friends.
I may not get through a ton of books this summer as I have a job lined out, but we'll see what happens. Stay tuned.
Until next time,
God Bless
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