My Lord. Promises. Thankful.

Many moments happen in a life where one thinks he or she knows exactly what is going to come next. In the moment of whatever is happening, they know nothing can ruin it. Be that a prosperous job, an education, or a friendship, nothing could ever stop it. However, no one knows the absolute future except God. People can guess at what might happen or be even 99.9 percent sure, but no one ever without-a-doubt knows.

I'm learning this the hard way. About a month and a half ago, I was convinced that I would be in a relationship right now. I went on a couple of dates with a guy, and I was convinced that our week together would lead to more time spent time together. And then things changed. I found out a relationship between us was not going to happen. So I had to erase all the plans I had made for us. Yes, I planned things. Guilty. I'm a woman. Women do this.

I look back on the time we spent together and sometimes wonder, "Why?". I know God had a purpose for it, but I wonder why he allowed it to happen when, on this side of it, I've seen nothing good come from it. Yes, I was able to spend time with an awesome person, but I grew attached to that person for no reason. Maybe someday I'll see and understand that reason, but right now, I do not.

If I had seen the future of what would happen between that person and me before any of it happened, I probably would have never gone to coffee with him in the first place. Yes, I would have missed out on a week of fun, but I would have saved myself from about a month and a half of grief (not including what is to come).

I have all these "if's" that keep popping up in my mind. If I hadn't done this . . . If I hadn't said this . . . If I had only said this . . .

But for every "if," God gives me a promise. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world."

I have been resting on these promises and others to battle the lies and the "if's" the enemy keeps hurling my way. This has not been a fun month and a half, but I am thankful for my roommate and my family who have walked through this with me. All my tears, my ramblings, my questions, my complaints, my sighs, my frustration--they've dealt with it all.

But I'm thankful for my Lord. Even though he allowed this to come into my life and even though I've lost sleep over it and wasted many tears over it, I know--and I've said it once, and I'll say it again--he let it happen for a reason. I may not discover that reason for many months or years, but I'll keep trusting my Lord until I do. I will also keep trusting him to be my first love, to fill me and satisfy me before anyone or anything else.

So yes, I am thankful. I may not be dancing on the rooftop or writing a message in the sky, but in my heart, I am thankful.

Until next time,
God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving