Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Oh Christmas

I've always wondered what it would be like to have a boyfriend during Christmastime. If you had talked to me about two and a half months ago, I was pretty certain I was going to be in a relationship at this time. I was excited about the sweet text messages I knew I'd get, the fun times we would have walking about in the cold weather, and just the sweetness of being "in love" during this jolly time of year.

Well, over the course of this semester, that plan did not fall into play the way I had imagined. My plan, as my plans usually do, unraveled in quite an ugly fashion. To make a very long and detailed story short and to the point, I am once again single during Christmastime. But this year, I'm so glad I'm single.

I look back on this semester and look at the various instances of where I could have been hurt so much more than what I was, but in those instances, the Lord protected me, that protection reaching far into the future. I had no idea that two months after that dreadful night where I heard and saw my plan unravel that the Lord would still be protecting me. But he is.

When I returned from camp earlier this summer, I told a lot of people that I learned a lot about trust. I feel like that is one thing the Lord has drilled into me over the station of many, many years. But I also feel like he has never drilled so precisely and so finely as he has this semester. And I know that this drilling will not soon be over.

When most people think about Christmas, they think of the words, "gifts," "wrapping paper," "money," "cookies," "Santa," "elves," and "tinsel." This year those words have floated through my brain as I've made some presents and had to buy the bags in which to put those presents, but other words have been bouncing around my brain, words like "thankful," "joy," "rejoice," "family," "friends," "love," "Jesus," "peace," and "praise." I know that because of this semester, this Christmas means more to me than it would have had none of these events taken place.

A part of me wanted to be able to be with this guy and talk with him and see him and spend time enjoying Christmas with him. Well, that was what I wanted back in October, not anymore. Now, I'm content with my present circumstances. No, I don't have a handsome man waiting for me back home to sweep me up in his arms and with whom I can enjoy Christmas. But I have two handsome men, my brother and Dad, who will be waiting to welcome me home with love and laughter, men who I know love me. I have a wonderful mother who I know I will enjoy laughing with so much more than almost anyone else.

The Lord has taught me so much this semester. He has taught me not to settle, in my standards for myself or for the man he has for me. He has taught me that he cares for ever single, minute detail of my life. And he has taught me to hope that however bleak my prospects may look, that he does indeed have a man that he has been preparing especially for me. And in the Lord's perfect timing, I will wait for that man.

I've never been so thankful for the Lord as I am right now. I've never seen or felt him so clearly in my life. During this break, I am going to enjoy all that I can and relish in still feeling like somewhat of a college student. I begin student-teaching in January, and after meeting my cooperating teacher on Tuesday and seeing the school, I'm a little overwhelmed. I know it will be good, but I also know that next semester holds a multitude of changes that I am nowhere ready for. Like I said, this trust drilling keeps digging deeper.

I love Christmas. I love what it means, and I love that over two thousand years ago a young, scared woman heard the call of God on her life and brought our Savior into the world. My king, my love, my protector was brought into this world as a tiny, helpless baby. However, in that moment, he was the most powerful being ever.

I am full of joy this Christmas, and I hope you are too.

Until next time,
God Bless

1 comment:

Jennifer (O) said...

Thank you for your insights, Jana! I always enjoy your blog posts. Merry Christmas!