Being back at college even just a measly five days has taught me so much. But what's new? Over the summer God really spoke to me and convicted me that I had been putting idols in my life that were distracting me from him. I also had the privilege to work with my work group this summer and got to invest in their lives. Well, combine those two things and you get a whole bunch of information overload from God. It was welcomed, but a little heavy at times.
There was a night this summer when I asked my dad if he thought that I was socially awkward. We walked and talked about it, and we discussed what that meant and what the Bible says about how we should live our lives. In my opinion and I believe out of strong conviction, I don't think God is so worried about how we fit in socially or if we're awkward or not. Let's think about it. Jesus probably didn't fit in socially all the time when he was on the earth. He had his twelve that he was comfortable around and those were the men who accepted him, but there were probably more people than not who didn't like him. I don't think Christ calls us to be liked. I think he calls us to love others as he did.
I've been here for five days interacting with new and old people. More new people than old, mind you. I must say that it is kind of hard for me to do that. When I was younger, interacting with new people was the easiest thing ever for me because I would just put myself out there and go with the flow. But is that what Christ wants? Did he go with the flow? I would say he did not. I know now that when I was younger, part of the reason I was so able to get along with new people was because I wore a mask. I don't like masks. I hate trying to be someone I'm not. I hate trying to be happy and peppy when really, I'm not feeling that way at all. In all actuality, I think I'm a more serious than "let's go out and play a game" type person. I would rather have a deep, intellectual conversation with you then play a game with pretend darts. When one is nearing the age of 20 years old, playing pretend isn't as fun anymore unless you're with a two year old. That's different. But when you're with your peers, pretend is just not fun.
God has taught me this summer more than anything that I am called to love him with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind. I'm called to surrender all my idols to him and keep him in the center of my life. I've also learned that I'm supposed to invite others into this wonderful love affair with Jesus Christ. He has changed my life so much that I'm compelled to tell others about that changing love.
Tonight I tried to talk with someone about what God is doing in my life and how I'm so in love with him. The normal response would have been one of happiness and joy of how I'm growing in that. But instead I was basically told that what I was sharing about my life felt like it was being forced on the other person. I think this person thinks I talk about God too much, which I think is a little absurd. And then I remembered the verse in Luke that talks about sometimes we will stand alone when it comes to representing and taking a stand for God. Maybe I was too overwhelming and too much, but I also think that what I said was a very valid point and instead of thinking about it in light of their life, they pushed it away.
I titled this post "Miss UNsociable". I think I did that because, well, that's how I feel. Sometimes sitting by myself with God is so much more fun then having to be with people and try to fit in and struggle not to put on a mask. I want to be genuine with everyone I meet and there are very few people in my life with whom I can be that way. I would rather have five close friends who I can bear my soul to, then know one hundred peoples' names, but to whom I rarely talk.
God is calling me closer to him through all of this. He is showing me that my communication and relationship with him is what matters more than being accepted by people on this earth. Yes, I want those strong, Christ-centered friendships and I do have a few, two are with my parents, but I think those are what he wants me focusing on, not knowing entire campuses and knowing every one's name.
So yes, I may appear as unsociable to the world, but lately I have been VERY social with God. And really, that's all that matters.
This may have been a lot of rambling nonsense, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading my ramblings.
May God Bless Tomorrow and all your days ahead.
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