It has snowed here all day. It's not heavy snow, though. The snow falls as if it is in a snow globe. I wish I was in a snow globe these days. My life feels like it's one big snow ball and the junk in it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. All the stuff that I've referred to in previous posts has all culminated into one big snow ball and just kind of exploded in my face. But the explosion is not pretty white flakes of snow. No, the snow ball is filled with rocks, gravel and dirt. It hurts.
I was in a cardio step class at four. We were working out, and my muscles hurt so bad I could hardly move. But I knew I needed to keep going. I had to keep going. I compared that to what I'm going through now. I have a choice to be very mean to someone or forgive them. Just like with cardio step class: I have a choice to give in to the pain or work through it. If I give in to the pain and quit, I fail. Just like if I give in to the pain with this person. If I express my anger and come unleashed, I fail. But if I work through the pain, I finish the cardio step class and I feel so much better about myself when I'm done. Kind of like with this situation. If I pray and push and forgive, I am victorious.
It won't be easy. Cardio step is not easy, and this won't be either. It would be so much easier to sit on my bed and watch TV instead of going to cardio step. It would be so much easier to hold a grudge and stay mad instead of forgiving. But I know what I have to do.
I have a choice to make between dwelling on the hurt or praising God for his protection. I could have been majorly hurt in this situation, but God held my heart in his hands and kept me close. It doesn't mean the hurt is not there, but it is just less than what it could've been. God shows me how much he loves me through this situation. I just look at what all he controlled. I didn't understand it then, but you better believe I do now. I just can't believe it really happened. My mind plays tricks on me trying to think it was someone else. But I know it wasn't.
I wish I could live my life in a snow globe sometimes. My feelings would never get hurt. I wouldn't have to deal with people who lie. I would always be happy. But that is not what life truly is about. Life is about dealing with all the junk, but dealing with it with God. I know God is in control, and he allowed this to happen for a reason. I just don't know why he allowed it to happen to me.
Please pray for me. Pray that I will find the strength to forgive and not be bitter. Pray that God will have his way with me and that I will be victorious.
2 comments:
Hi Dearie,
So sorry you are having such a tough time. Remember to pray that God will help you learn what He intended you to learn and that you will learn it quickly and be able to heal and move on quickly. From my experience, I really think this pray helps tremendously. I hope you will find it does also.
I know it is hard but try not to focus on this person. Instead, focus on yourself. This person has their own things to work through and figure out (a much bigger job than you have, by the way:).
Don't focus on this person. This is about you. God let you go through this for a reason. He wants to teach you something that you will need for the next step. Determine that you are going to learn it and quickly, so you can move on and see what wonderful things He has in store for you. Because He does, you know. He has great things He is waiting to give you but you have to learn a few things first. And sometimes that is hard and painful but, to be where He wants us to be, sometimes we have to go through the difficult things to learn and be ready for what He has for us.
I have talked to your mom. I know what you are going through. I know it is not easy. Believe me, I understand. Of anyone that you know, I probably understand the most how difficult this is. But YOU CAN DO THIS. Set your mind to it, just like you set your mind to do so many other difficult things in your life. You are a very strong person and you have the best Teacher on your side. He is rooting for you. So are we, your family. And we are praying for you.
I love you, dear niece.
(((Hugs to you))),
Love, Lea
Hey girl,
I'm sorry for whatever it is you're going through. If you need another person to vent to that you haven't already vented to, you know I'll be all ears for you!!
If any one, you can make it through this with flying colors! I know you :)
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