Dying to Self

This weekend I'm going on a fall retreat with the church I attend. It's a college retreat, and it's the first of anything like this I've ever gone on, with college students anyway. I can't wait to see what God is going to do. I've learned so much already this semester from college Bible study, Sunday sermons, life groups, and my personal time with God, that I know God is going to do great things this weekend.

One thing God has constantly been hammering into my heart and head is the verse in Luke 9:23. It says, "If any one would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me." Deny himself. Not sort of, kind of deny himself, but wholehearted denial to the flesh. Andrew Murray, one of the most awesome authors of his day, says it like this, "We are either denying self or denying Christ." I don't want to deny Christ. Peter denied Christ three times, and until he came to the end of himself, he didn't truly realize what dying to self meant.

I think I've heard the phrase "take up your cross daily" my whole life, but never until now have I understood what it means. It's just another example of how we die to self. Jesus took up his cross and died for our sins. When we take up our crosses, it should be to die to our sins as well, every single day.

Lately, it seems my days are so routine, routine with busy schedules for work and school, but still routine. I've also noticed that I spend too much time watching TV shows and movies. Well, God spoke to me the other day. I was reading an article at setapartgirl.com, a wonderful site by the way, and it just hit me so hard how much time I waste. I could spend that time in the Word or ministering to others. Yet I sit on my butt watching things that most of the time aren't even that great. So I've decided to go a month with no TV and no movies. Yeah, it seems a little over the top, but this needs to happen. I started this adventure two days ago, and I will be sure to let you know how it proceeds.

God has called me to more than just the mediocre Christian existence. I don't want to look back on this part of my life when I'm 45 and wonder what happened. I don't want to just go to church and play "Christian." God keeps telling me over and over again, "It's not about you." Something will happen with school work, "It's not about you." I'll get stressed over the newspaper, "It's not about you." I'll find that I haven't had quite as much sleep as I had wanted, and I'm a little cranky; "It's not about you."

This is not an easy lesson to learn, especially in a culture that tells us every day that life is about us. But Jesus did not come to the earth for himself, and we are to live a life that mirrors his, then our existence here should not be about ourselves either. You can't get around that.

So as I go on this retreat this weekend, I hope God just rocks my world. I know he will because I have the faith that he will. He's such a big God.

If you don't mind, I have a few things you can pray about this weekend:
1. Pray that the students going on this retreat will see God move and hear his voice in a way they never have. Pray they are open to the Holy Spirit and what He wants to do in their lives.

2. Pray for me because I kind of have the whole nasal/sinus inflammation thing going on, and I don't want to get worse over the weekend. I'm also leading a small group over the weekend, so pray that God equips me for that.

3. I know God has called me to return to South Asia, and I'm hoping it's in January. Our college pastor hasn't given us a final team list yet, but pray that if it is God's will, I would be able to go. That place has a hold on my heart, and I'm ready to go.

God Bless