Contentedly Single

*This is a really long post.

It's been awhile. I know. There's really no excuse for why I haven't blogged recently. I think part of it stems from having to write two to three articles per week for the school paper and being in five classes that require writing. Once I begin to write all the time, I wouldn't say I become burn-out, but I just need a break.

But, today is the last day of school before spring break starts. I will leave school at three o'clock and head for home. I also enrolled for my first semester of my senior year yesterday. That is so weird to think about. But my schedule is great. It's the same times of classes that I had last fall, and I loved that schedule. No, not the same classes, but the same times of classes.

I'm so ready to go home. My schedule this semester is absolutely crazy, and I feel like I haven't had time to breathe lately. I had a kidney infection two weeks ago, which I didn't have to miss any classes for, so that was good. Although, it did set me a little behind with studying for some tests that I had that week. But I got my tests back this week, and I got A's on both tests. All I can say is, "Thank you, God." It was all him.

Right now I'm praying through a few different things that God has put on my heart. I'm looking forward to going home for break, so I can have more time to spend with God and get away from being so busy.

One thing that God has really pressed on my heart in the past few weeks is how blessed I am to be single. For who knows how long, (you do know if you've read my blog), I've been praying about the man God has for me and what that looks like and how much longer I'll have to wait. For awhile, I put up a front saying that I didn't want a boyfriend and that Christ was my only desire, but I think I was only just saying that to disguise my want for a boyfriend.

But I'm in a different living arrangement this semester, and God has shown me so much though it. He's shown me what marriage, a young marriage, looks like on a daily in-and-out schedule. He's also shown me what having kids looks like and how that impacts one's marriage. For a long time, I thought marriage was just a romantic idea for two people who have fallen in love to be together. But God kind of wiped that idea from my mind. Marriage can be messy. It can be hard. And there's no getting out of it. None of those things are bad, but marriage is not something and should not be something one enters into on a whim. Not when marriage is something that requires so much commitment. I had never thought of marriage in that way before. I knew it involved all those things, but I had never seen people so close to my age who were married live that out on a daily basis.

All that to say: I'm not ready to be married. And not only that, I don't want to be married right now. I look at all the responsibilities that come with being married, and I don't want them at 21 years of age. I still have one more year of school ahead of me. I still have to graduate and figure out where God wants me to teach. And I love being free. I love the independence that comes with being single. If I were in a relationship or married, I would constantly have to be aware of that other person, which isn't bad, if you're ready for it. This is just one of those areas that is going to take some time to mature. And that's okay. I would much rather be single for the next however many years and be ready for marriage, or as ready as I can be, when that comes along, than get married now and hate being married.

For a long time now, I've had this vision of myself after college living in an apartment by myself with a dog or maybe a cat. I don't know. But I have this dream, if you will, of being independent. I think as young women, especially in this culture and especially in the Bible belt, we think that to be complete and have a prosperous life, we need to get married. Everyone expects it. Parents, friends, family, church members; everyone. But why? Because that's what everyone has done for the past however many years?

And don't hear me saying that I'm against the institution of marriage. I'M NOT. I'm very for a man and a woman getting married if that is God's will and if they are both ready--financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc. Believe me, if God blesses me with a husband some day, I'm not going to turn that down. But I'm not ready right now. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please. And not that I have any potential suitors, but this also means I don't want to be in a relationship because at this age in one's life, a serious relationship usually leads to marriage. I also don't want this to sound like I am selfish and can think only about myself. But right now, in the hustle and craziness of college, I do okay to make sure I have everything in line where it should be. I can't imagine having to take care of someone else at the same time. And I know that if I get married when I am teaching, my schedule will still be busy and crazy. But I'll be more mature, and by then, I will have had those years to enjoy being single.

I heard a young lady say a few weeks ago that she felt God brought her a husband to have someone to enjoy God with. I liked that. To her, getting married wasn't about the ooey, gooey romantic feelings and "falling in love." Marriage was about a union set out by God to glorify God. And if I'm not going to glorify God in my marriage by not being mature enough or prepared, then I don't want to be married.

Isaiah 54:5 says that your maker is your husband. When I look at Jesus as my husband and begin to focus on my relationship with him, everything else falls away. He is what matters. Not what might happen someday or what might not happen. Only Jesus.

So, this is what God has been pouring into my life. And let me just tell you, it is so freeing. I don't worry about what guys think of me as much as I used to. I'm not constantly looking for a guy. I'm so content. And I owe all of this revelation and understanding to God. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Well, enjoy the spring weather.
Until next time,
God Bless