Life is too short wasting time trying to get things to be perfect. I wish someone would've told me my first year of college that it is okay not to be perfect. I wish I would have known that it is okay to get a B or a C in a class and that the world is not going to hold it against you. I wish I would've known that my parents don't want me to stress about getting A's all the time.
For a good majority of my life, I've striven for perfection. I had to have straight A's, I had to make sure none of my friends were mad at me, I literally wanted to be the best in everything I did. A part of me still wants that. A part of me still wants to be the best, but I know now that I just need to do my best and not worry about being perfect.
I'm in Astronomy this semester, and I'm not a fan. I don't like science and I never have. We had our first test on Friday, and I found out my score today. I got a 65%. I wasn't too thrilled. I wanted at least a B. It does make me feel a little better knowing that the class average was a 60%, but again, I've always wanted to be more than just five percent above the "average."
I know now what to expect in coming tests, and I know what to study more. But sometimes it's so hard trying to balance everything. I woke up this morning and it felt like all six classes with all of their responsibilities plus my newspaper obligations just piled on me. I didn't know what to do. I went to the fitness center and ran/walked my two miles, but I wasn't motivated to do any more than that. I usually don't call my parents until the afternoon or evening, but today I had talked to both of them before nine o'clock.
Right now, I'm sitting in the newspaper office waiting to fix the mistakes on my page, not worrying about what I have to do when I get back to my room. I have a test tomorrow in history, I have to finish reading for American Lit., and I have to create some sort of a rough draft for my American Lit. research paper due on Thursday. But I don't care. I should care and a big part of me is telling me to care, but I don't.
My dad emailed me this thing called "Wednesday Words with Leigh" written by Leigh McLeroy. Her topic was about asking for help and admitting that you have a pride issue. I have a perfection issue. I am obsessed with being perfect, and I think if I don't perform to a certain standard then I'm not going to be liked and loved as much, which I know is not true, but I still think that.
I honestly think my parents would be happier for me if I got a C in Astronomy rather than an A. They don't want me killing myself trying to make everything perfect, and honestly, I don't want to kill myself either. I know God is there to help me, but in the big scheme of things I sometimes think that he doesn't care about my petty problems. But he does, more than I know. He's great.
Not knowing how not to be perfect is hard for me. But I want to learn about not being perfect. I want to know how to live imperfectly while still glorifying God with my life.
Whoo! That was a lot. I better go.
God Bless.
2 comments:
You are so precious! I love you!! Saying a prayer that you have a great semester and you don't sweat the small stuff!! God loves you no matter what you get in Astronomy! (((hugs)))
You are learning so much...much more than just what your subjects have to teach. You are learning about life. God is using this time to teach you and to mold you to be the person he wants you to be to prepare you for the future He has for you.
He knows what your future holds, your future jobs, your future as a Godly wife and mom to a husband and children who are not perfect either.
Maybe this is God's way of teaching you how to accept and like yourself even when things are not perfect, even though you have tried your best.
The most important thing is that you are setting your priorities and doing your best, which you always do. No one can ask more of you than your best (not even you!).
Hang in there, dear niece, and remember to ask God what it is He is trying to teach you through these challenges. There is always a lesson to be learned, although you probably already know all this and I am preaching to the choir:).
I am praying for you, for peace and joy in your life. Love you!
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