A Change of Heart

This has gnawed at me for quite a while, and I might as well get it off my chest. I don't think I want to teach. I think I have tricked myself into thinking I want to teach, but I really don't think I do. This semester I'm in more English and education courses, and it gives me an insight into what I will be doing for quite some time after I graduate. Today I went to observe, and the teacher had papers for me to grade. Not that I don't like grading papers, but once you've graded one they kind of all start to look the same. And another thing I find myself doing is looking at the clock to check the time. I want to enjoy teaching, if that is what I stick with. But I just don't have the 100% peace I would like to know this is what I want to do.

Many of you know I write for the school paper. Well, over the past week an incident happen with one of the stories that I wrote, and the paper was pulled. It wasn't my fault, but I just didn't collect enough sources for one of the articles and the information in the article wasn't 100% accurate. On Sunday I was in the newspaper office from one in the afternoon until five, and then I went back from six thirty to seven thirty. Last night I was in the newspaper office from six to eleven.

To try and lift my spirits, the advisor of the paper told me he sent the article that was pulled to his brother who works with journalism students at Baylor University. My adviser's brother said that my article was better than some of the stuff written by their students. I was floored. I had no idea. But then I thought about it. If I had all the time in the world to dig up stories and write about stuff that interests me, and that was my full time job, I would love it. I would get to write all the time.

No matter how hard I trick myself into thinking I don't want to write I know that much more that I do. Writing is just this part of me that I know God has given to me for a reason. Yes, I think it would be fun to teach, but I think it would be even more fun to write. After a while I think I would get bored in the classroom, and I every day would begin to look the same.

I sat down with the advisor of student teaching last week to set up my semester for student teaching. He asked me why I wanted to teach, and I told him that I love English. I do love English, but I don't think I love it as much as I do writing. There's a difference. You may not think there is, but there is. Right now I'm in a class called history of the English language. I really don't care for it too much. I could care less about it really. I don't care how the English language came about. I want to use the English language.

I just feel like sitting in a classroom is too tame for me. So all that said that I think I might change my major to Journalism with a minor in Political Science. Politics really intrigue me lately, and I think it would be so much fun to actually understand more than what I do now about politics and then be able to write about it.

I just really need prayer right now. If I do decide to change my major, I'd probably end up dropping a class this semester. I don't know which one, but I'm just so overwhelmed with all the reading I have to do. I never thought I would not want to read, but when you have to read all that I'm reading it just stinks a lot. Pray that God will impart wisdom to me about what I'm supposed to do. This could make or break my future, but the cool part about it is I still have four semesters left, and I can complete all that I would need to in those four semesters. But I don't know, it's in God's hands.